Argh!

Lately I have been wondering how much longer I should keep on blogging. Ever since the carepages, it has been my way of communicating and also venting. It's been kind of hard to keep up with it and sometimes I wonder if I am even that interesting anymore. With Elijah, there was so much to say, everything was critical and vital to relay. After he died, there was the grief to convey for my own sanity sake. Then, being pregnant with Isaiah and Aria, well there was so much happening. Now, I feel like just a boring ole housewife. Of course, there is my ever long struggle with my faith and finding my place in this world. With kids, there is always something to say, but you wonder if it is interesting to others. With Isaiah, he has come so far in the last year. We are mainstreaming him as much as possible, but it is overwhelming. Our state, just rejected passing a bill for insurances to have to help pay for therapy for kids on the Autistic spectrum. I can't explain to you how frustrating this is. Because my child isn't in a life threatening state, they won't help? What they don't realize is how detrimental it is for these kids to get their therapies, especially the earlier the better. By not giving them the therapy is literally the difference between them being mainstreamed and living a "normal" life or living at home with their parents or in a group home. I bet if there kids had it, they'd be doing everything they could. Parents are going bankrupt in giving their kids therapy. Seth has been working huge amounts of overtime so that we can pay our bills. It looks like it is slowing down. But since insurance barely pays anything (and they are revising it in January to do almost nothing!) we have had debt rack up, incredibly quickly. It's overwhelming. Isaiah has needed several visits in the last few weeks and is set up for a couple more before the end of the year. We are getting great feedback from his doctor, but it is important to keep up on his therapies. Without it, it sets us back. But now that our credit card is almost maxed out and Seth's work is slowing and now the bill not being passed, I am livid! I shouldn't have to choose between therapy and paying the bills! He deserves a great life too! I have applied for several jobs, but with Seth's nutsy hours, nothing has worked out. With Eli, we were blessed to have Children's Special Health Care, but since this is considered "Mental" (I hate that word!) he doesn't qualify. On top of that we have had him in gymnastics. Isaiah loves it, but his coach (who is a teenager) treats him like he is disgusting. Seth and I have stepped back, as we have been trying to observe and not over react. I just can't believe that they run a program like this and treat him so poorly in front of the other kids. We have even noticed Isaiah does more than what the other kids do, but it's just the transition of it all, that he gets stuck on. It breaks my heart. I have actually cried quite a bit over it, as he is just the sweetest little guy. It's been bad enough that some of his little play buddies conveniently dropped out of the picture when he got his diagnosis (he is still the same kid he was before the diagnosis, if not better!) but now a coach!! Someone we pay to trust and educate him! She huffs and puffs and snaps at him for every little thing. I've noticed some of the other parents have seen it too (without us saying anything) it just hurts. I know that kids will always have their struggles, but this is something that can be helped. Seth and I are constantly coaching him and he really responds! It makes me appreciate our family and friends who love him and us, just the way we are, that much more. I have no idea what to say to the manager as she called to discuss this. I have been praying for G-d to show me what to say. I am just feeling so overwhelmed. All the progress I have made in the past few months feels like it is slipping through my fingers. I feel like I have been fighting for so long, the kids passing away, finances, Isaiah's diagnosis and therapies, Aria has now hit a stage where she whines A LOT! I am just tired. Anyways, I just need to vent. Boy, I didn't even know I was going to write this! I know things could always be worse, Lord knows we have been there. I know G-d will make a way and this will all make me stronger. I just have to dust myself off and keep on trying. I am blessed for having a loving family and friends. I just have to keep on pushing on. Please pray for me as I am feeling like I am losing it! Things have got to get better, right?