I just want to thank my dear friend Julie, who gave us her precious time to change up my blog. Julie, you are awesome at this and I can't thank you enough!! I had a whole post that took me over an hour to work on, when my hand slipped. Yep, it erased it all!! I thought I was going to scream, but what's done is done. Seth ended up going through with getting snipped. He says he'd rather I refer to it that way then the technical term. Yes, I do have his permission to tell this story. He's so secure in his manhood that it doesn't bother him when I talk about it. It happens everyday and why should anyone be embarrassed about talking about it, after all we are just being responsible. Yesterday we dropped the kids off with Seth's parents. They were elated to spend time with Pop Pop and Nana, so they weren't to sad to see us go. We decided to first stop off at the hospital to visit Bubbe, since the office is kiddie corner from where she is staying. I had a rough night and wasn't feeling well, so I made sure to wear a mask and stay back as far as I could. I just couldn't bear the thought of being so close and not saying hello. She was dozing when I came up and immediately perked up as soon as she saw me. She looked quite tired and wore out. I guess her PIK line ended up bleeding quite badly. My Mom pretty much figures that what blood in the transfusion went in, probably came back out. We are praying that her veins would toughen up and that they'd be able to get her fluid weight in balance. She hasn't walked since being in the hospital, so she needs to work on getting the energy to do that before she can even think of going home. I had to leave quickly as my Mom didn't want to risk me passing anything to her, so I left. I got into the car finding that Seth was starting to get a little nervous. We made our way over to the parking structure and then headed up. On the way up, I asked him again, if he was sure. With out missing a beat, he said he was. Elijah's urologist is in the same group of doctors. He was amazing with him and us. In fact, after Eli died, he sent a hand written letter sending his condolences. That old building is gone now and now the new one is quite fancy. We sat down next to the kids room (they have a window that you can see in) and were looking at all the pictures of the kids. Eli would have been up there. I started to get quite emotional about everything. Seth reassured me that this was the right thing to do, but offered to cancel if it really bothered me that much. My emotions said no, but my logic screamed yes. It's just crazy to think at 31 that I am done having kids. For over 9 years, it's been such a pivotal part of our life together. I imagined having such a larger family and we are short, our two precious ones. After what seemed like a million years, the doctor came and got us. As he took us back to the room, we started to banter back and forth. "How long does he have to be down for?" "6 weeks," he responds without missing a beat. I actually started to laugh and I started to relax. He asked about Seth's job and seemed interested. I was expecting to be put through the wringer about why we were having this type of procedure being done at such a young age. He did ask how many kids we have. I always get stumped with this question, because we have 4, but really only 2 are here, so then it gets weird. Not that Seth and I feel weird, but sometimes other people get uncomfortable. We briefly explained our story, when he stopped us to ask Eli's name. Once we said "Elijah Praise" he said he remembered us well. I about cried. I love it when people remember him. We talked a bit about Eli and Rory and he didn't seem the least bit uncomfortable. I was kind of surprised, as most specialists tend to be quite clinical and not show any emotion. "We had a loss too." His face softened. He would have been 12 last month and he died of a brain tumor 5 days after he was born." It's amazing how we run into strangers who have been in our situation and we both end up pouring out our hearts without any awkwardness. It's an unspoken bond. I asked him if they had any more kids and they did. They had more naturally, but decided to stop because she'd had several c-sections and it increases your chances of rupturing (one of the many reasons we decided to go through with this) but they also adopted 2 children as well. They named their second child's middle name, after their first born. Right way, I knew G-d had meant for us to be there. I prayed so hard to know if this was the right decision for us or not, and really didn't feel anything strongly. After he shared, I knew. The best part was how he still talks about his deceased child and still has his pictures up and the man is a doctor! The more I have been meeting people that have been in our situation, the more I am realizing that we are normal. It's not weird that we talk about them, after all this time. It's okay that they are still very much are apart of our lives. Through out the appt. we'd skip back in forth with banter and being able to openly dialogue about our children. Here is the funny part. So after we give the okay to go ahead with the procedure he takes us into another room. Seth started to get a little more nervous. I walked into the room and was immediately looking for the stirrups. I asked the nurse where they were? She said they didn't have them, but she wished they did. I told her I did my time, now he has too. We all started to laugh. I won't give to many details, as well, eew. I have to say, I don't see what the big deal is all about. After giving birth to 4 children, one naturally, and 3 c-sections, it was a piece of cake. As they are prepping, Seth begins to laugh. Now, Seth and I are very used to medical procedures being done, on me, and Eli, but not him. Each minute that was passing by he seemed to laugh even harder. I asked the doc if this was a normal response. He replied "eh, no." Seth is still laughing. Of course it was because he was embarrassed and nervous. I quickly reminded him how many people were in the operating room with Eli and then I had to face them every day for months! Men, oy! Well, the more he tried to contain his laughter the more he'd laugh. Here is a funny fact about me. I laugh in horrible situations, and once I start, I can not stop. I had a friend fall off her bike on a bridge and almost fall off the bridge and I started laughing and couldn't stop. I felt so bad and it was so rude, but once I start I can't stop. Thankfully, this one time, I held it in and kept my composure. It's just that I have never seen Seth jump so high with a needle before. I about lost it. Anyhoo, I am literally laughing right now. Needless to say, it went easily. Seth got to go home and ride the couch while watching whatever his manly heart desired. So our new chapter begins and we can focus on the future. I can clean out the storage and embark on this new part of our lives. No looking back now. The whole time this is happening I was having intense pressure around my eyes and jaw. I have been having this on going horrible headache since Monday. The light is so bright and sound is magnified by millions. Since the kids were at his parents and Seth was fine, I finally caved and went to Urgent Care. I have been trying to avoid going because I don't want to pick up anything else. My goal is to keep us healthy so that the kids can go see Bubbe before Isaiah goes back to school. Unfortunately the pain over ruled my fear and I went. Thankfully I got in pretty quickly and was diagnosed with my first ever, sinus infection. So I got my antibiotics and I am hoping that they work quickly, as I feel like my head is being slammed in the door repeatedly. I am excited about this coming week as we have so many fun things planned. Tonight we are having a meal of appetizers for us and the kids. Right now Seth trying to teach Isaiah how to use the Wii so we can all exercise together (I couldn't do that after having my procedures!). We are both excited about tomorrow morning and can't wait to see the look on the kids faces as they both know what is going to happen. I got Aria 2 my little ponies and I am excited to be able to play with her. She is officially my last baby (sigh) but I am so blessed. Well, Seth is trying to dance so I need to go and raz him. May you all have a very Merry Christmas. We love you Eli and Rory, you truly are missed.
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