This is the Day

I am so excited to report some great news today. I have been clinging to G-d and he has not let me down. On Monday I hit a low I haven't hit sit Elijah passed away. Seth urged me to get out. We have been needing to get Isaiah's eye glass prescription changed for months now, but just haven't come up with the money. We called and they said that we had a protection plan and this time that they'd just charge us $25! Sweet! As we were walking around the mall, my old enemy panic started to creep up in my throat. I couldn't believe it, a panic attack in the mall. I was able to keep my composure well enough that Seth didn't realize it. When I got the most depressing thought, of, why am I even here anymore? The thought permeated my brain and followed with a, your just a burden, everyone would be better off without you. I couldn't believe it. I actually stopped and looked at Seth and started to cry. I was so horrified that I could even entertain a thought like that for a slight moment. As fast as it came, I felt a pull, almost as if an angel interceded on my behalf and grabbed my face to look at Aria and Isaiah skipping and laughing ahead of us, while holding hands. Then the thought of, You prayed for these children, they need you and Seth needs you. You are more than a conquer, you are clothed in righteousness. Seriously, if we could have made a movie out of this moment, it was gripping. I imagine a dark entity next to me with his snake like lies and then a heavenly angel dressed in white pulling me to truth. I was stunned. I went from a horribly devastating thought to truth? Seriously, I don't ever recall having anything of this magnitude happen so fast. I didn't even know how to process all of this, so in a daze we went to pick up Isaiah's glasses which they gave to us for FREE! I knew it was G-d. We went home and I told Seth what happened. We prayed together while I cried. There is more to this story, but I don't have much time before getting over to the school. All I can say is that G-d has intervened. I believed He has and is healing me. I don't know how to explain it, but He is. I talked with a woman the other night who has gastroparesis and she gave me some advice that I have followed. She called the very night I had these thoughts, G-d sent her at just the precise moment because I was still reeling from all that had happened. She just told me to eat, whatever sounds good, just within reason eat. So the next day, that's what I did. Yesterday, for the first time in 3 1/2 months, I ate 1,700 calories, not only that, but didn't even get slightly sick. This is crazy! I can't remember the last time I have felt this alive! Today, I am already at about 850, this is with no medicine. We went to a prayer group yesterday and the man who leads spoke directly to me he said some pretty profound things that absolutely resonated with me. There is power in my thoughts and power in my words of truth. I need to believe the words that are coming out of my mouth. And I do, I am am being healed. As a side note, I just have to say, I can't say enough about the importance of community. When we at our weakest, we need others to lift us up. If you find yourself in a situation with someone who you don't know how to help because their husband just left them, their child died, they have been diagnosed with a disease, or whatever. Anything that makes you feel uncomfortable and you feel bad because you can't fix it, so you just don't say anything or maybe even avoid the person. I am telling you, this is so painful, silence is painful. Don't let that person suffer in silence. Maybe you can't fix it, you can believe for healing for the person and pray, but in the meantime to come alongside the person and enter into their pain by just listening, is one of the most priceless gifts you can give. Don't let it be an elephant in the room situation. Don't act like nothing is wrong. Just be there, even if it's just calling to hear them cry, sitting them, whatever... I believe G-d gave us community to give us something tangible to hang onto when everything else is falling apart. Their husband might not come back, their child is still deceased, their illness may persist, but it's your presence that will give them hope to hang on. You can be apart of that hope!!!! G-d has brought many people into my life at this time, and I am beyond grateful. Really, a phone call has been a thing that has made the difference between day and night. The list goes on, there is so much power in making that step to talk to the old widow down the street that no one seems to visit. We have the power to make a difference instantly, and in that we honor the words that Jesus taught us. We must love others as we love ourselves. How might you feel if you were on the opposite side of the coin? I'm telling you, isolation is where the devil does his best work, trust me. I say this not to be preachy, but as someone who has experienced both sides of this. I am so thankful for the community that has held me up throughout this, and I am thankful that they will continue to, till I am well enough, where upon I can take up my own words of advice. I can't tell you how much this whole thing has changed my life, but still even in my tears I repeat, Still I will praise you. He is still good. Today after Seth gets home and my favorite Mother in law comes over I am going to take the domperidone. Please pray that this would drug would be a positive help in G-d's healing and there would be no side effects. I should be taking it around 4:30-5? Prayers are so important, I am living proof that they work. Please keep them going as I am expecting FULL healing. You are all so special to me. Thank you for your prayers, your messages, your encouragement. I love people and I am realizing how wonderful each and everyone of you really are. Still I praise you O Lord, I say this with belief. Watch, Pray, Believe, and ever Be Amazed. This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice!!! and be glad in it. Believing in miracles (Eli's slogans are still here!)