Stay tuned

Hey all! So sorry I haven't posted. I have so much to tell you about Aria's birthday and so on. Unfortunately, I have messed up my neck and back something awful and can't type very well. I have another doctor's appt. tomorrow to see what the next step is. As soon as I can type better, I will fill you in. I have so much to say and my finger won't cooperate, grrrrr!

Fun day

Lately I have been praying to G-d to help me with my parenting skills. I have never seemed to be blessed with patience, which as you know, you need to have with children. With all of the stress going on, it is easy not put the kids aside and tackle whatever thing needs to be attended to. Knowing that Aria's birthday is only a couple of days away, I have found myself reflecting on how quickly the baby stage has passed. When I hold her, she is actually half the size of me, maybe even a little longer. Sniff, sniff. I don't know how many more children G-d will bless us with, so of course you find yourself trying to hang on to each moment and memorize it. It won't be long before they don't want to hang out with Mommy and Daddy. We may even end up being called (dare I say it) Mother and Father (Lord, NO!!) So while I easily get frustrated that they aren't listening or acting like little adults (because we all know a 2 and 4 year old have that ability, NOT! ) I have to remind myself to just let them be kids. That time goes by so quickly and they need to have the freedom to make messes, eat dirt, let dogs lick them in the face (my stomach is churning), and even take leaps off the couch or picnic table to see if they can fly. I have been doing my own therapy of trying to let them go a little more each day. I think I will always be more protective than most, but I needed to loosen the strings and let G-d protect them. I guess I am always so afraid they are going to die (something us parents who have lost kids always seem to carry) that I almost suffocate the fun out of them. So today I loaded them up and started a movie to which Isaiah and Aria sang/screamed the song to Veggietales as we drove along. I almost never go downtown by myself as I still get lost easily. I actually got stuck going round and round in a turn about and ended laughing as the kids yelled "weeeee go faster Mom!" As we pulled up to the Farmer's Market I said a prayer to G-d, to ask Him to see this from a kids perspective. So we stopped at each new veggie or fruit and talked about it. Isaiah seemed fascinated with the purple tomatoes and even was offered one by someone who had very dirty hands. Guess what? I let him eat it and I ate one! I know I am so wild and crazy! But it was a huge step for me. Aria happily watched all the people go by while occasionally trying to grab a piece of produce when I wasn't looking . The weather was perfectly cool with a hint of a breeze as the sun beat down on us. I felt, calm. Something I haven't felt in a while. I even got several compliments from the vendors saying that they hadn't seen kids their age so well behaved in a while. I gently rubbed Isaiah's head and felt all glowy inside. After walking up and down the market and talking about all the "fun foods" we decided to visit Seth unexpectedly at work. Both kids squealed in delight as I asked them if they wanted to go. Of course Seth was shocked that we showed up and was so excited. Isaiah begged Seth right away "Daddy take me to go see the robots!" He jumped up and down with an anticipation and elation that of someone who just won a million dollars. Aria reached out her arms pleading to Seth to come and carry her. Both kids kept on hugging us and just seemed so happy. I couldn't get over the simplicity of the situation, yet their joy was overflowing. I thought to myself, how many times have we done this and I never truly let myself be in the moment. Instead it's race here, get that done quickly, it wasn't good enough, it didn't go the way I planned. What a waste! Now I see what they mean about just slowing down. Sometimes we are so busy that we are thinking about the next moment before finishing the one we are at. They didn't want any fancy toys, they didn't care that we weren't at the park, they just loved seeing something different and being with Mom and Dad. So we went in a watched to robots move. Isaiah stared in a amazement while Aria clung to Daddy like the little Monkette that she is. We got to see his bosses dog, who yep, you guessed it, licked Isaiah on the mouth. I about threw up. I so badly wanted to reach for the hand sanitizer, but instead let him giggle in delight. Score two for Kelly (not that I plan on allowing this to happen frequently) So after visiting Seth, we came home and they got to play in the yard with chalk. I watched them as they happily chattered with one another. They seem so close. I have been so blessed to have kids that rarely ever pick on each other and seem to enjoy each others company. Lately I have been finding Isaiah reading to Aria and teaching her things as she repeats them back. Last night Seth and I were lying in bed. Seth says "I feel so bad, our 10 year anniversary is coming up, and we can't even really do anything." Normally I am not a person that really cares about anniversary's but there is something to be said about being married for 10 years after having 2 children pass away, especially when the geneticist walks in and says the divorce rate for one child passing away is 75% . We have had our apartment burn down within 5 months of being married, Seth's job burning down and trying to rebuild it. Our son being diagnosed on the Autistic spectrum, and the list goes on. I always joke, they could make a soap opera out of the events that have happened to us. We had originally planned to go up to Traverse City a year ago, but it really can't happen. As we both sighed I told him, "it doesn't matter what we do or where we go, whether you win a million dollars or are homeless on the street, I just want to be with you and the kids. As long as we are together, that's all that really matters." I really mean that. G-d has been really showing me how to stop and really appreciate what we so longed for as Aurora and Elijah passed away. I promised Aurora, Eli, and myself that I would only chase and hang on to what truly matters. I need to live for them, the way they never got a chance to do. In my old Kelly self, I don't and won't go down with out a fight. I haven't forgotten kids, Mommy is still hanging on. Thanks be to G-d, for He is amazing.

Wild Ride

Man, the days seem to pass by so quickly. It seems like there are never enough hours in the day. Hmmm, let's see where to begin. Isaiah was able to go to a free gymnastics class. He really enjoyed himself. He got to jump on a trampoline and leap into this giant foam pit over, and over again. We have been debating how to get him to listen more to direction from adults and thought this might be up his alley, as he's been standing on his head, since I can remember. At one point two other little boys in the class were crying and Isaiah ran over to try and comfort them (such a sweetie). A veteran gymnast noticed Isaiah was getting quite brave and offered a huge jump from a ledge 4 or 5 feet in the air. I really didn't think he'd do it, but he did! You should have seen the look of sheer pride in his face that he braved a jump that few of the other children in his class even attempted. Once he did it, he wanted to do it over and over again. Later that evening, out neighborhood celebrated National Night Out. This is where you have a fire truck come out and spray water on the kids while teaching them about fire and street safety. The kids had a blast and were soaked when they got home. Isaiah seems to be a bit of a comedian. The other day we were getting ready to have "reading time" when Sesame Street came on. He looks at me and says, "Hey Mom, it's Sesame Bagel! HA HA!" We both busted out laughing, as he cracked his first joke and it actually made sense (we eat lots of bagels and sesame happens to be on of my favorite!). I said "Good one Isaiah!" And he replies "Get it Mom, Sesame bagel!" Of course we are rolling on the couch in laughter, while Aria is laughing but can't quite figure out what is so funny. Isaiah is becoming quite the conversationalist. You can talk to him almost about anything and he can keep up pretty well. I ended up throwing out my neck horribly and it lasted for over a week. Isaiah would come up and kiss me on the neck and ask me if I felt any better. He really seems to be understanding when someone is hurt or sad and is reciprocating with soothing techniques. He also is doing splendidly in Sunday School. He is making an effort to join in with other kids and not always talking about the solar system anymore. He even came and told us about Moses and the Burning Bush and that the bushes voice was G-d's. I have grown so impressed with his way of communicating and understanding, that sometimes I think of him as a little adult. Although I have to quickly remind myself when he is teasing Aria or screaming when she takes something away, that he is in fact, only 4. Aria is going to be 2 on Thursday. It blows my mind that she isn't going to be 4 as it feels like she has always been here. She sang the tune from "veggietales" to her Sunday school helpers today. I have noticed that if she hears a song even once, she tends to sing it over and over again. Her name is so fitting, as she is blossoming with music. It's been an interesting few months, as I seem to have been bitten by the "green eyed monster." I have never really been a jealous person. Sure I have wanted things, or wished I looked this way or that, but all in all, it was fleeting. Unfortunately, I think I have been watching to much News. The whole economy plummeting has fed into my fears and shot my anxiety through the roof (hence my shoulders swelling up so I looked like a football player on steroids!) With Seth's job downsizing and all the other life events, my fear of not having enough has really sunk in. I don't know if any of you have this, but it is really annoying. I have been clinging to verses about not worrying about tomorrow and so on (I can't think of them off the top of my head). Thankfully our wonderful pastor has been doing sermons on Fear, in the last two weeks. Boy did it hit home. I have had to remember back to when our children died. I would look out the window and see people scrambling around to get their "stuff." People would talk about their latest gadgets or things they have come to own and I would only think, this doesn't matter. All that matters is that I want my children back. We have many friends throughout the years that we have met, unfortunately due to the loss of a child. Some are wealthy, others aren't, but all of them said the same things. Nothing material matters. In the end your things will go out of style or break, or something better will come along making your latest gadget obsolete, but your kids, spouse, those that love you are going to be the only things that matter. I have had family and friends who say to us "how can so much always be happening to you?" I have often asked G-d that myself. Sometimes I wonder if it's punishment, sometimes I wonder if it's some sort of form of "shaping us," or is it that He really thinks we can handle it and we need to be an example. I still haven't gotten my answer. For now, I am praying that G-d shows me His will for us. If that means giving up our house, or giving up this or that, then I must submit, because maybe there is something better around the corner. I won't say it is easy, I won't say I don't get angry and cry, but I will say, G-d will take care of us. I just hope I can honor Him in all of this. We have been in the desert before and each time he has brought us to an oasis. We now have beautiful children in Heaven and beautiful children on earth, we have each other, and we have love. I may not be rich, but I am a loving wife, protective mother, loyal friend, and mostly a daughter of G-d. He loves us and will never forsake us. While I don't understand all His ways, I must trust and hang on, after all, life is a wild ride.

Moment by Moment

Seth was able to take a vacation day yesterday. We dedicated it to the kids and tried to get them out and about. First, we went to the Blanchford Nature Center. It was pretty humid and there wasn't as many stroller accessible trails as we had hoped. Isaiah almost ran off the side of a very high and steep drop (he doesn't have depth perception and I am almost sure he doesn't have peripheral vision) and I about had a heart attack. After that, we decided it may be time to go. They did like seeing the turtles, frogs, and wild birds, so it wasn't a total loss. They also had a bobcat, but all we saw was it's tush, so I don't know that the kids believed us. We then went to a school play ground. It was in a nice area, so we were pretty surprised to see broken glass and explicit profanity on the equipment. As soon as we started to realize that Isaiah was noticing, we thought it was time to go. We did some more things as a family, but the day went to fast. I love having Seth at home. I never would have imagined that after almost 11 years of being together that we would still be so close. He is truly my best friend. He just has such a gentle and loving spirit that seems to melt away most of my anxieties. He is the most amazingly patient dad. He seems to love my protective nature, so it all balances out. As I have said previously, we have many decisions to be made. Seth has been working at his job for 11 years. He loves his job, but has reached as high as he can get. The machining industry is so iffy, you just don't know what the next week will bring. Our home is 110 years old and has lost a lot of it's value due to the economy. We have been advised by our financial mentor, to walk away. It needs so much work, and instead of raises at his job, we have had to take major paycuts and insurance hikes, as the business has been hanging on by a thread for a while now. We love our home, and feel obligated not to abandon our responsibility, yet at the same time, we are struggling so hard. We have spoken to several people with financial integrity, that have assured us, we have done nothing wrong. The economy has done us in. I have found myself crying a lot as I am so worried about what the future will bring. As we are approaching our 10 year anniversary we have had our apartment burn down, 2 children have passed away, 2 miscarriages, financial struggles that have been ongoing. So much so, I have actually have had one person say "what else is new." Almost as if I should be used to the financial struggle and not even mention it, as it apparently is annoying to hear about. Amazing. It almost seems as if you have a struggle in your life whether it be debt, a loss of a loved one, divorce, substance abuse, etc, apparently you are supposed to keep it to yourself as it makes other uncomfortable? I find this shocking, as most of this seems to come from fellow "Christians." Last I checked, Jesus talked about supporting others, entering into their pain, supporting without fail. Not to mention, any devout follower in the bible didn't have a perfect life in fact, they were pummeled with trials and tribulations. In this day and age, it seems if you are considered a Christian, you are supposed to put a big smiley face on and be okay with everything and have little feelings because Jesus came. I want to shake these people. Jesus wept in the garden and asked G-d to change His mind. He overturned the tables in the church in anger for justifiable reasons, he embraced those that no one else in society wanted to be around. If He was here right now, do you think he'd be at all our churches or buying a house in the suburbs? I don't think so. I think he'd be in the hospitals, down at the soup kitchens, he'd be in the places most people would be ashamed or afraid to go to. So why is when we announce our troubles, we are shunned for fear of being an embarrassment or failure? G-d made us to have emotions. Having Jesus come did not change that. Because he came, we can have hope in these turbulent times, but it doesn't change the fact that we will embrace our human tendencies. We will never be perfect, so why pretend? Why not wrap our arms around each other and support each other instead of doling out the advice, criticism, judgement, not to mention followed by gossip! Grrr, it makes me boil in anger. I admit, I am not perfect. I too have done these things, but it's not to late to change. I always joke with Seth, at least you know I didn't marry you for your money! We just laugh and laugh. It scares me to wonder what is going to happen next. We have worked so hard, just be able to carry living children, that we never thought about the economy. Yet as scared and worried, and yes, sometime I feel that we have failed. I wouldn't trade my life with Seth for all of the financial security in the world. If I have to go without, there is no one in the world that I would rather have then him, by my side. We may not have much in financial means, and I admit, every day fear creeps in, but I have been trying hard to focus on my love for my little family. Late at night as we tuck the kids into their beds and Seth has drifted off to sleep, I can't help but feel like we are lucky ones. While each day is filled with anxiety, fear, anger, I keep on trying to remind myself, we have been through worse. I don't want to lose our home or worry about bills or food, but if I had to, at least we are healthy and we have each other. In my darkest panic, that seems to be when G-d sends Aria or Isaiah to come and sit in my lap for no reason or have Seth call from work, just to remind me that he loves me. As we approach decisions about leaving the state to find a new way of living, I am trying hard to remember, it is all in G-d's hands. Where ever he leads us, no matter how hard, I am putting my trust in Him. It doesn't mean I won't go kicking and screaming, but as long as we are together, we'll find a way. I keep holding on for miracles. I know He gives them when you least expect it, and I am clinging to that hope now. So instead of one day at a time, I am taking one breath at a time. Sometimes I just feel so tired and weary, it's so hard to fight all the time. I just wish things were easier. I look at my kids and want to give them everything that their little hearts desire. They deserve so much. As I turn on the TV and watch the news, I know that I am not alone, many many others are in our same situation if not worse. I am writing to let you know, if you are in the same place as us, you aren't alone, you don't need to be ashamed, and I am praying for you. We'll make it through, we just have to, one moment at a time.

Days of Isaiah

Isaiah's birthday was on the 17Th. To honor his special day, we were able to have a bowling party (thanks to Seth's bosses who own it!) It was Seth's idea, and I must admit, I thought we were biting off more than we could chew. I didn't know if all the balls would make him not even be able to focus on the bowling itself, thankfully, I was wrong. He had a blast. We had everyone there and I think all the kids really enjoyed themselves. Isaiah had his own lane as he just kept on rolling the balls down over and over and seemed to not even really recognize that people were there. I have never seen him lift so many heavy objects without complaining even once. He is still talking about the party to this day, and really wants to go back and bowl. I thought it was pretty cool that they even gave him a bowling pin to take home (which he carries around with pride) that everyone signed. I was so excited to see him so enamored in something that didn't have to do with space (not that we don't love his passion) especially with all the sphere's in the building. We did have a cake that most people would scratch their heads and maybe even think it looked a little ick. He insisted on having a dwarf planet cake with Pluto and it's moons, Sedna, Quorar, and some others. We used different kinds of candies to mimic it until he approved. Thankfully, he loved it, and that was all that mattered. He did have a hard time with opening presents. I think it got to over stimulating having everyone staring at him, especially when he'd rather be bowling. I felt bad at first, that everyone had carefully picked out presents just for him and didn't even get to see his reaction (which I know I love). I think Seth could see how disappointed and embarrassed that I was, he then gently reminded me "this is what the doctor's prepared us for." I then had to take a step back, as often I think of Isaiah as just any other 4 year old, but I have to remind myself that the PDD-NOS is still there. Being that we have never had another child make it this far, it's hard for me to understand what the difference between a typical 4 year old behavior and PDD-NOS. I must say, he is learning leaps and bounds. We took him to the park the other day and he ran up to this little girl and says "Hi! My name is Isaiah, pleased to meet you." Seth and I held our breath in awaiting her response. Thankfully she was a sweet thing and reciprocated his kindness and they grabbed each others hands and ran off to play. I wanted to cry as I was so excited to see him actually initiate interaction with another child his age (normally he doesn't bother with kids and goes straight to the adults) and he is doing more often than not. The other thing we are tackling right now are, his ever dreaded eating habits. He is so selective in all that he eats that it makes eating quite difficult. Just to get him to eat some noodles or a single vegetable, he's been sitting at the table for hours at a time refusing to even give it a nibble. This is hugely frustrating. I don't expect him to enjoy the food, but at least to try new things. With PDD-NOS, they tend to adapt to one certain schedule, certain foods, and pretty much dictate how the day will go. I can't tell you how many play dates lately that I have had to cancel due to waiting for him to finish his food. We are trying hard to be consistent as sometimes it is easier just to pretend he ate it and get on with our day. Unfortunately, Isaiah is so intelligent, that he picked this up right away. So, for now, I am putting my social needs on the back burner until we can reorganize this particular thought process. It's depressing for me and Aria, as we love going out in the morning to the park or where ever, but I can't reward the negative behavior. Oh yes, and did I tell you when I tell him he needs to eat, he sternly tells me, "Mommy, you need to go to time out and you are very rude!" Sometimes I want to laugh at his little adult sayings, and sometimes I just want to cry as I just want to move on with the day. I must say, he never gives us a dull day. His affection and show of love has grown exponentially. I am bound and determined to pull him off of this autistic spectrum label as I believe (and the doctors as well) that he could with enough aggressive therapy. Sometimes I wonder if I am painting a negative picture of him to others. But you have to understand things are just handled differently in a way I have never had to. Aria tends to be the typical child and responds in ways that I can expect. She loves adventure and last minute trips. She'll also try and take you out if you mess with her toys. Isaiah, with all of his idiosyncrasies, is a sweet, intelligent, and actually intriguing child to engage with. He talks like a little adult from time to time and really makes the day interesting. This last year has been a challenge. Yet, when I look back at where we were one year ago, I am amazed at how much he has improved. I don't think any adult could keep up with the amount of progress that he has made. So as much as my little man insists that his favorite color is black "because of the midnight sky." Or that number 9 is his favorite number because "Pluto is the ninth planet." To top it off, we use a lot of Yiddish slang around here. He comes up to me after he had fallen and says "Mom, will you wipe the tears from my eyes?" I went to go wipe of his glasses as the tears and gotten on them. He says " You need to wipe the schmutz from glasses, so I can see better." I say schmutz a lot, but he has never said it before. He says it so matter of fact, oh my little professor. He is going to take the world by storm. I have made a promise to myself that I will be updating more often, as there is a lot going on in our lives right now that I haven't posted. I have hesitated as I am trying hard to figure out how much of our lives I want to expose. Normally, I am an open book, but due some insecurities of my own I have actually shyed away for fear of being judged. But now I have decided to let it out as it is what is happening and I have always kept true to allowing others to see that I am human, so I will be opening up more. To those of you who know me personally, it probably isn't anything that far off of what you already know. May you all be blessed and find happiness in all that you do.

Isaiah Proclaimy

Isaiah's favorite sculpture at the F. Meijer Gardens, can you guess why?

As you know, we have been in the process of potty training. It's been one of the things I have dreaded dealing with as a young child (being a germaphobe and all). So patiently we have been working with Isaiah. We read him books, got some movies from the library, role play (the things you do for your kids), and of course, begging. For the last couple of weeks he has graduated to Thomas underwear (with lots of nervousness as our whole house is carpeted) and finally SUCCESS! He still doesn't come up and tell us, but if you ask him he'll say if he has to go. I am so happy! But then the craziest thing happened today. We were at a friends house for a play date. I am talking with my friend only to turn around and see Isaiah with no pants on, sitting on her carpet in the living room. Sheer Panic!! So many thoughts are racing through my mind, but the biggest was "did he go on the floor?" Praying, praying. I grab him and see his shorts and underwear next time him, now I am really perplexed. I said "Isaiah do you have to go potty or did you GO potty somewhere??" He replies not nonchalantly, "No Mom, I went in the potty upstairs, flushed the handle, closed the lid, and of course, I washed my hands." Me and my friend stared at him in disbelief. The one thing about Isaiah, is he is very honest and fesses up, so I knew he was telling the truth. I asked him if he had trouble with his shorts (they have a snap and a zipper, something that hasn't been mastered yet) and he said yes. I put helped him put on his clothes and told him how proud I was of him. He got the biggest smile on his face and you could see the pride in his eyes. My little guy is turning 4 on Saturday. I am thinking back to four years ago when I was as big as a house wondering when he would come out. We have been through so much this last year with his diagnosis, yet I have seen a total transformation in him. Where I used to be so embarrassed with his reactions, have now turned into joy. He is known as one of the most polite kids and gets so many compliments, he loves playing at peoples houses and joyfully running with children. He especially loves to hug and kiss, especially baby sister, so full of affection. All things that one year ago, were a struggle to do. We have a long ways to go, yet I am so excited to see what he is going to accomplish. Most kids say, "I wanna be a___, when I grow up." Isaiah says he is going to be a an astronomer and a astronaut. You know what, I believe him. Most kids can't wait to move out of the house, my boy can't wait to move out of the atmosphere! He is going to go so far in life, I am so proud of our little guy.

Sweet Freedom!!

Well, I finally did it! Yep, I quit my job! Some of you are scratching your heads thinking "I didn't know you were working?" I took a job back in March that I felt was going to help solve our financial problems. I could work from home, choose my own hours, it sounded to good to be true! It was. I was told I would be calling people who wanted this particular service and just sign them up, simple right? Nope, it was awful. I could go into big details, but it's not worth my time. Anyways, I ended up trying to quit a little while later, but they called and begged me back. I thought maybe it was G-d trying to give it another chance. After all, people work jobs everyday that they hate and who am I to be so picky? Since going back, it has been non stop chaos. I have been grouchy as every week you are threatened that they are going to fire you if you don't do well enough. I started experiencing panic attacks that I haven't had in years, throwing up, insomnia, and just plain eating to make me feel better. Poor Seth and the kids were put on the back burner and all I kept on thinking is "we NEED this money." Things deteriorated quickly, my faith, contact with my friends, family time with my family. I talked to Seth about it and he kept on telling me that I needed to quit. Being that I do the finances, as sweet as I thought he was being, I just couldn't do it. I felt like I was being irresponsible to just walk away when the economy has been this way. I ended up speaking with our financial mentor and at first he agreed with me, but as we were going through things he agreed, I needed to put my family first and this was no way to live. So I prayed for G-d to send confirmation and I finally got it yesterday in a phone call. This person said everything I needed to hear without knowing what was going on. Especially after a horrible weekend working, I knew this was the way to go. So I did it and I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. There is this tiny voice in the back of my mind that is saying "But you have no back up plan!" But was I was talking to my friend yesterday, I began to realize that I haven't been living my life to the fullest and I haven't been trusting in G-d that He will provide. So, I took a leap of faith and now have placed my burdens in His hands. I have no idea what we are going to do, but I am going to have to trust, something and OCD person does not like to do! After I quit we took the kids to the park, and for the first time in a long time I felt like I was wholly there with them. I wasn't thinking about how I was going to meet the company's unrealistic demands. Both kids had a couple of meltdowns but it didn't phase me, which was huge. I feel like a thousand pounds have been lifted and now it's time to find a new path to take. The whole unknown factor freaks me out, but it's a time for growth and I as an adult need the challenge. So if you could pray that G-d would show us a clear direction and that I would find something I truly have a passion for and that our needs would be met, I'd be grateful. I was talking to Seth and I know finances are always a taboo subject, but let's face it, a lot of us are in the same boat and we have nothing to ashamed about. These are hard times and I know we didn't have this happened due to irresponsibility, these things happen. I am not asking for a hand out or pity, instead I am asking for prayers. Money is nice to have, but it isn't everything. Money comes and goes, but the time and memories that you make are what you take with you. So it's been a good, but hard lesson to learn. I was talking with my friend, whose neighbor just came back from a missions trip. He said that after seeing how poor they were, you'd think that they envied our lifestyles. But what he found is that they were happy and that they felt we were slaves to our things. I thought that was so interesting and that really stuck in my mind. So as we are playing and Isaiah is squealing in delight and I noticed that both my kids voices sound like the chipmunks. As I laughed, I said to Isaiah, "You are so cute!" He replies, "I am not cute, I am adorable!" Aria ran from thing to thing with deep thought in her exploration, Seth hunted to find little things the kids might be interested in, and I couldn't help but feel, this is what freedom is like. I don't know what the next hour will bring, but it's almost exciting not knowing what is ahead. At least this is my though for today, LOL! So I now have to return to my kids climbing on me and smothering me with kisses, potty training, shopping lists, budgeting, cleaning, food preparation, Isaiah's birthday party planning, and I am going to love every moment of it. I am sure frustration is soon to follow, but for now, I am going to breathe and focus on living life to the fullest. Every day is a gift!