Sweet Freedom!!

Well, I finally did it! Yep, I quit my job! Some of you are scratching your heads thinking "I didn't know you were working?" I took a job back in March that I felt was going to help solve our financial problems. I could work from home, choose my own hours, it sounded to good to be true! It was. I was told I would be calling people who wanted this particular service and just sign them up, simple right? Nope, it was awful. I could go into big details, but it's not worth my time. Anyways, I ended up trying to quit a little while later, but they called and begged me back. I thought maybe it was G-d trying to give it another chance. After all, people work jobs everyday that they hate and who am I to be so picky? Since going back, it has been non stop chaos. I have been grouchy as every week you are threatened that they are going to fire you if you don't do well enough. I started experiencing panic attacks that I haven't had in years, throwing up, insomnia, and just plain eating to make me feel better. Poor Seth and the kids were put on the back burner and all I kept on thinking is "we NEED this money." Things deteriorated quickly, my faith, contact with my friends, family time with my family. I talked to Seth about it and he kept on telling me that I needed to quit. Being that I do the finances, as sweet as I thought he was being, I just couldn't do it. I felt like I was being irresponsible to just walk away when the economy has been this way. I ended up speaking with our financial mentor and at first he agreed with me, but as we were going through things he agreed, I needed to put my family first and this was no way to live. So I prayed for G-d to send confirmation and I finally got it yesterday in a phone call. This person said everything I needed to hear without knowing what was going on. Especially after a horrible weekend working, I knew this was the way to go. So I did it and I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. There is this tiny voice in the back of my mind that is saying "But you have no back up plan!" But was I was talking to my friend yesterday, I began to realize that I haven't been living my life to the fullest and I haven't been trusting in G-d that He will provide. So, I took a leap of faith and now have placed my burdens in His hands. I have no idea what we are going to do, but I am going to have to trust, something and OCD person does not like to do! After I quit we took the kids to the park, and for the first time in a long time I felt like I was wholly there with them. I wasn't thinking about how I was going to meet the company's unrealistic demands. Both kids had a couple of meltdowns but it didn't phase me, which was huge. I feel like a thousand pounds have been lifted and now it's time to find a new path to take. The whole unknown factor freaks me out, but it's a time for growth and I as an adult need the challenge. So if you could pray that G-d would show us a clear direction and that I would find something I truly have a passion for and that our needs would be met, I'd be grateful. I was talking to Seth and I know finances are always a taboo subject, but let's face it, a lot of us are in the same boat and we have nothing to ashamed about. These are hard times and I know we didn't have this happened due to irresponsibility, these things happen. I am not asking for a hand out or pity, instead I am asking for prayers. Money is nice to have, but it isn't everything. Money comes and goes, but the time and memories that you make are what you take with you. So it's been a good, but hard lesson to learn. I was talking with my friend, whose neighbor just came back from a missions trip. He said that after seeing how poor they were, you'd think that they envied our lifestyles. But what he found is that they were happy and that they felt we were slaves to our things. I thought that was so interesting and that really stuck in my mind. So as we are playing and Isaiah is squealing in delight and I noticed that both my kids voices sound like the chipmunks. As I laughed, I said to Isaiah, "You are so cute!" He replies, "I am not cute, I am adorable!" Aria ran from thing to thing with deep thought in her exploration, Seth hunted to find little things the kids might be interested in, and I couldn't help but feel, this is what freedom is like. I don't know what the next hour will bring, but it's almost exciting not knowing what is ahead. At least this is my though for today, LOL! So I now have to return to my kids climbing on me and smothering me with kisses, potty training, shopping lists, budgeting, cleaning, food preparation, Isaiah's birthday party planning, and I am going to love every moment of it. I am sure frustration is soon to follow, but for now, I am going to breathe and focus on living life to the fullest. Every day is a gift!