Wild Ride

Man, the days seem to pass by so quickly. It seems like there are never enough hours in the day. Hmmm, let's see where to begin. Isaiah was able to go to a free gymnastics class. He really enjoyed himself. He got to jump on a trampoline and leap into this giant foam pit over, and over again. We have been debating how to get him to listen more to direction from adults and thought this might be up his alley, as he's been standing on his head, since I can remember. At one point two other little boys in the class were crying and Isaiah ran over to try and comfort them (such a sweetie). A veteran gymnast noticed Isaiah was getting quite brave and offered a huge jump from a ledge 4 or 5 feet in the air. I really didn't think he'd do it, but he did! You should have seen the look of sheer pride in his face that he braved a jump that few of the other children in his class even attempted. Once he did it, he wanted to do it over and over again. Later that evening, out neighborhood celebrated National Night Out. This is where you have a fire truck come out and spray water on the kids while teaching them about fire and street safety. The kids had a blast and were soaked when they got home. Isaiah seems to be a bit of a comedian. The other day we were getting ready to have "reading time" when Sesame Street came on. He looks at me and says, "Hey Mom, it's Sesame Bagel! HA HA!" We both busted out laughing, as he cracked his first joke and it actually made sense (we eat lots of bagels and sesame happens to be on of my favorite!). I said "Good one Isaiah!" And he replies "Get it Mom, Sesame bagel!" Of course we are rolling on the couch in laughter, while Aria is laughing but can't quite figure out what is so funny. Isaiah is becoming quite the conversationalist. You can talk to him almost about anything and he can keep up pretty well. I ended up throwing out my neck horribly and it lasted for over a week. Isaiah would come up and kiss me on the neck and ask me if I felt any better. He really seems to be understanding when someone is hurt or sad and is reciprocating with soothing techniques. He also is doing splendidly in Sunday School. He is making an effort to join in with other kids and not always talking about the solar system anymore. He even came and told us about Moses and the Burning Bush and that the bushes voice was G-d's. I have grown so impressed with his way of communicating and understanding, that sometimes I think of him as a little adult. Although I have to quickly remind myself when he is teasing Aria or screaming when she takes something away, that he is in fact, only 4. Aria is going to be 2 on Thursday. It blows my mind that she isn't going to be 4 as it feels like she has always been here. She sang the tune from "veggietales" to her Sunday school helpers today. I have noticed that if she hears a song even once, she tends to sing it over and over again. Her name is so fitting, as she is blossoming with music. It's been an interesting few months, as I seem to have been bitten by the "green eyed monster." I have never really been a jealous person. Sure I have wanted things, or wished I looked this way or that, but all in all, it was fleeting. Unfortunately, I think I have been watching to much News. The whole economy plummeting has fed into my fears and shot my anxiety through the roof (hence my shoulders swelling up so I looked like a football player on steroids!) With Seth's job downsizing and all the other life events, my fear of not having enough has really sunk in. I don't know if any of you have this, but it is really annoying. I have been clinging to verses about not worrying about tomorrow and so on (I can't think of them off the top of my head). Thankfully our wonderful pastor has been doing sermons on Fear, in the last two weeks. Boy did it hit home. I have had to remember back to when our children died. I would look out the window and see people scrambling around to get their "stuff." People would talk about their latest gadgets or things they have come to own and I would only think, this doesn't matter. All that matters is that I want my children back. We have many friends throughout the years that we have met, unfortunately due to the loss of a child. Some are wealthy, others aren't, but all of them said the same things. Nothing material matters. In the end your things will go out of style or break, or something better will come along making your latest gadget obsolete, but your kids, spouse, those that love you are going to be the only things that matter. I have had family and friends who say to us "how can so much always be happening to you?" I have often asked G-d that myself. Sometimes I wonder if it's punishment, sometimes I wonder if it's some sort of form of "shaping us," or is it that He really thinks we can handle it and we need to be an example. I still haven't gotten my answer. For now, I am praying that G-d shows me His will for us. If that means giving up our house, or giving up this or that, then I must submit, because maybe there is something better around the corner. I won't say it is easy, I won't say I don't get angry and cry, but I will say, G-d will take care of us. I just hope I can honor Him in all of this. We have been in the desert before and each time he has brought us to an oasis. We now have beautiful children in Heaven and beautiful children on earth, we have each other, and we have love. I may not be rich, but I am a loving wife, protective mother, loyal friend, and mostly a daughter of G-d. He loves us and will never forsake us. While I don't understand all His ways, I must trust and hang on, after all, life is a wild ride.