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We are back for now. I thank the Lord that He got me through the night without any nasty sugar drops. I also thank those of you who were lifting me in prayer, because man alive, do I need it. I'd like to tell you we have finally found solid direction, but alas, not yet. After the study we did go up to the GI unit and just waited outside in the hopes that we could get a hold of the doctor or one of his nurses. G-d blessed us and we did. She was very kind and spoke with us for quite a while, but honestly, we are beginning to realize that we are barely a blip on his radar screen. His nurse even went to bat for us and tried to get him to help us, but he deferred us to the ER. He said if things were that bad to go through there. We asked his nurse what she thought I should do. She said I should go, but that things would be 50/50. She wanted me to go and urged me not to do the Dobb Hoff (though I don't have the choice) and told us about all that could go wrong. She was hoping one of the ER attendings might over ride the doctor's orders for the Jejunal tube. She also said they could just rehydrate me and send me home, that it was a gambling game. We decided to let the labs decide for us. At first the labs weren't even there. Seth actually had to call Quest and have them fax them over and thankfully, they did. Drum roll please?!?! It was a regular CBC, wah wah wah.... It was supposed to be for Pre Albumin and other nutritional markers, but I guess not. We don't know if they misunderstood the order or if it was the doctor or what, either way, I am not having much faith in them right now. So that left me sobbing in a wheel chair in the middle of U of M. Yep, my heart broke. Seth and I had finally come to the conclusion that a tube might be the way to go. I have been chatting with someone who has it and has had wonderful results. It's not the way any of us in the situation would choose, yet, we want to be here too. The way we figured, if I could get started it might give me enough energy and lift to be somewhat put together by summer. I don't want to just be alive, I want to live! I want to be apart of my family and go places, not just hearing about it. I saw what I can only assume two other Gastroparesis patients. I think we kind of stick out. She too was in a wheel chair and didn't have a feeding apparatus. She didn't look like she felt well either. The other had the Dob Hoff. I gotta say, it scared me. She was wearing a scarf on her head and you could see her hair was falling out. Her clothes hung off of her as well. She had a blue back pack on and was moving around pretty well. When she turned around, I gasped. Not at her, but at the whole idea. I had assumed the dobb hoff was kind of like Eli's little NG tube, but instead the thing looked huge and stuck literally almost straight out of her nostril. I so badly wanted to go up to her and ask her what it felt like? Was it worth it? Would she recommend it? The nurse had been talking to us about how awful this particular thing was and there it was, plain as day. I blanked out and just cried. I couldn't make up my mind and so we just decided to call it a day and go home. With all of these medical bills coming in, Seth's job, and the kids being toted back and forth, I just couldn't bear having them keep us just to do nothing. If this doctor is as important as they say he is, we figure, no one is going to want to mess with his orders. I keep on praying and hoping that G-d will guide us what to do, because we don't know. I am feeling pretty lousy and have put Seth on standby. The hard things is the driving back and forth 2 1/2 hours, when we have local hospitals here. My mind is in a fog. We keep on praying for answers. Please pray that I can eat my calories, as you know, this is hugely detrimental. We'd also appreciate the continued prayer for guidance and peace. I am beyond frustrated, yet I choose to believe that G-d IS working. I may cry, be fearful, angry, and confused, but I know that He is right next to me, no matter what happens. I only pray that He thinks that what I what I hope for, is what He deems good. I am human, thankfully He knows that.