Hot Water

So here's what is going on. Never a dull moment in our house;) First lets start with a happy thing, I have been able to now eat, da da da dum! BAKED Cheddar Sour Cream and Chive chips!! I only can eat a few, but it's progress of yummy flavor. Oh flavor, how I have missed you! I smashed them up in my reduced fat cottage cheese and ooh la la, I thought I went to flavor town! It's not the most healthy option, but it gave me a sense of eating something normal. I have also been able to add to my juice collection a juiced strawberry, banana, apple drink. While I am not a fan of sweets to begin with, it's been nice to have a change. I had to put my carrot juice on hold, since I literally was changing colors. Just to be sure, while they checked my labs iron/hemoglobin, they are also checking out my liver and such. I find it crazy that in order to keep an eye on my anemia, they take so much of my much needed blood! I asked the Phlebotomist to leave some for me. This is one of the first times I actually almost passed out during the draw. I have NEVER had this problem. The poor woman just kept on asking me if I was alright and patiently waited till I could stand on my own. I noticed on my last draw that I could barely drive home, so this time after work, Seth drove me. I am so glad he came, because they weren't going to let me drive home. I am constantly cold. So cold to the point of heating up hot cups of water and carrying them around the house with me. I now wear my clothes, a bathrobe, and a blanket on me, most of the time. I can barely stand outside without being chilled to the bone. My parents saw what a hard time I was having and got me some thermal underwear. I never in a million years thought I'd be wearing thermal underwear in every day life. I am hoping they will help, since we have to keep the heat under a certain temp. for budget and Isaiah's allergies sake. He already has gotten a bad case of eczema that actually got infected with a staph/strep infection. I feel so bad for the little dude. He's already been on antibiotics for his ear infection and we have tried every cream under the sun, and now after seeing 3 doctors, they think they have found a good solution. I sure hope so, this whole going to doctor after doctor is quite taxing. To make matters even more interesting little Aria has come down with his chronic cough. We have been having to steam her in the middle of the night and stand outside with her on the front porch to help soothe her. Her little eyes have purple bags underneath them and she's a little more feisty than usual. It's been a while since Seth and I got a good nights rest, but we are trying to find the sweet moments in all of the craziness. Aria actually requested me for a snuggle. They rarely ask for me anymore, since I am mostly business and then have to go sit down, so it was nice to know I am needed. We are still trying to get all our papers transferred to Mayo Clinic, in the hopes that some one can help. We have literally been doing this all by faith. I don't know if it's an adult thing or a weird diagnosis thing, but it's been hard to set up a game plan. With Eli, before he was even born, we had a plan of attack. It was so regimented that really we had no say in anything, and looking back, for the most part, it helped. With this, we are so in the dark that we can't even see our hands in front of us. We don't really know how or where to really proceed, so we have been taking one step at a time in the hopes that the Lord will guide each step. I am sending files over to MN not even knowing how we are even going to get there or what needs to even be done. Part of me thinks I am nuts, the other part is at peace knowing this is what we feel G-d is leading us to do. The control freak in me is having to be tamed and I am having to trust I am fully in His hands. We are exhausted and we need help. I think our nervous systems have been previously fried, only we didn't know how much, till we needed to go and use it only to find a "NO OCCUPADO" sign on it's door step. I am doing the best I can and it's not enough. I am trying to just take one moment at a time, but with kids, you have to have some planning in place. The nausea and pain have come back off and on, so between the fatigue and all the emotions, I feel like we are twisting in the wind. It really is a survival of the fittest and right now, I am not making the grade. I still feel that things are going to get better, it's just a matter of when. I'll be honest, when you are tired and hungry, it doesn't make for the happiest of moods. But I am trying, I really am trying hard to ask G-d to change my attitude on how I see and deal with things. I could go into all the things that have gone wrong, but it just seems to bring me down even further. So, for now, I am going to sit bundled up with my hot water and be happy that it's clean and hot. As always I am asking for prayers (I won't stop) of healing, peace, trust, and guidance in all of this. So even now I am standing here, watching, praying, believing, and waiting to be amazed.