Baby Lady Aria

When we had Isaiah, we figured to count our blessings and quit while we were ahead. After a family function, my sister in law had noted that maybe he was lonely (his social skills were less then prevalent). I had wanted to have another child. I admit, I wanted to know what it would be like to watch a little girl grow up. I presented the idea to Seth, and he was hesitant. We decided to pray about it. After a couple of sessions, he said to me "I saw her, we are going to have girl with dark hair." I know this sounds odd, as we are not psychic, but G-d tends to show Seth pictures when he prays. Mine is almost always poetry (which I find confusing). With that, he seemed more open to the idea, but we decided to continue to pray, just in case. We were concerned about kidneys, as this is something we always have to take into consideration. I found myself being told, if I live life in what ifs, I'll always wonder what could have been. Besides, as much as it hurt losing Aurora and Eli, I was happier to have had them for a little while than not at all. I'll be with them in Heaven for eternity, and life here is short so... After praying, we didn't know how long it would take us to get pregnant, but we felt we were ready. On Christmas Eve morning, I took the test. It was rather hilarious as I just took it for the fun of it. I really didn't expect anything. We were getting the kids ready to go somewhere and I ran into the bathroom quick. When I saw that we were pregnant, I could hardly contain myself. I wanted to keep it a secret until Christmas morning, for an ultimate surprise. So I buried the test into the trash can and came out, playing it cool (or so I thought). Seth asked me what it said, and I ,with this crazy look on my face said, "nothing." He just stared at me, and asked me again. I replied "nothing!" Then Seth asked to see the test, and I asked him what the big deal was. To which he replied, "I know that look!" He ran into the bathroom and started to look, while I tried to fight him out. The thing about us, is nothing gets past one another. I shouted, "yes, yes I am pregnant!" Oh how we cheered, we must have had perma-grin on our face for the rest of the day. I was a little nervous about telling people. I knew we'd need lots of prayers, but also I didn't want people to make it into a negative thing and ruin it for us. The reactions were mixed. Some people were ecstatic, while others were very concerned. I took it really hard, as we already loved this child so much, that no matter what happened our baby was here. It was hard being pregnant and dealing with Isaiah, but still I enjoyed being pregnant so much (I'd be pregnant for the rest of my life if I could, but that would be weird). Of course we had the countdown to the kidneys being present, so that was quite nerve racking. The first couple months were hard, because you can't feel the baby and you wonder if everything is okay. Finally we had the appt. The day of, on the drive over the doctor's office called to cancel as they were swamped. Seth had gotten out of work, everyone we knew was praying. This was really the only time I'd ever flipped out on them and demanded I be seen (don't mess with a pregnant woman!). I had never spoke to them that way before, so on the way over we picked up some doughnuts as a peace offering. I just couldn't wait any longer, I had to know. At first when we came in, they were a little stand offish. I apologized and explained. Our tech that had been with us actually admitted that the day had been so bad, they didn't want to deal with any other bad news. I just looked at her and said, "everything is going to be alright." I knew what G-d had said (although I still doubted a little) and I had to remind myself of that. So reluctantly she began. Within seconds we knew. Everything was okay and we had ourselves a little girl! I cried, we all cried. The doctor came in and played it cool and sent us on our way. I remember calling my friend on her cellphone at work, and her just screaming with glee(the loudest scream by far!)! While another told me, "I knew it! Woo Hoo!" The reactions were awesome, especially when I got to tell both sides of our family that there was going to be another girl. Since there were so many boys, it was extra fun. The weeks went all too quickly and on August 19Th, our baby girl Aria Blossom(had to have a nature middle name like her sister) was born at 6 pounds 15 ounces with, you guessed it, dark hair.

I had lost a lot of blood and the surgery itself was awful, but here was this little perfect girl. She was so polite. At night it seemed, instead of crying that she'd clear her throat and ask to be picked up. She was such a little lady. I was worried how Isaiah was going to deal with her, but surprisingly, she didn't phase him one bit. It was just like she'd always been there. I did go through some post partum depression with her, but not near as bad as I did with Isaiah. I held her all the time, and she'd snuggle so close. She was everything I thought a baby would be like. At night she'd cry and we'd come in and actually be able to soothe her, just by picking her up. I almost always knew what she wanted. At 6 weeks of age, she started crying non-stop. We finally had to take her down to the ER as she had a fever. We just thought it'd be nothing and wanted to clear our conscience. They told us they had to do a spinal tap. I freaked out. If you have ever had one, they are horribly painful, just awful and I didn't want to put her through that. I just thought, here we go again. The doctor had said they needed to rule out meningitis but that it probably wasn't it. So here was this helpless little thing getting stabbed in the back, I almost passed out, I had to leave the room. Seth stayed with her and said she was a trooper. The doctor came back with the results with this look on his face he confirmed our worst fears, meningitis. So she was admitted right away and taken upstairs to start antibiotics. I called my friend to post on the pages for me and I cried (really I am not a cryer!). We needed prayers badly. Everyone knew us on the floor and asked what was going on. Seth and I were well versed in shutting off the alarms and occlusions in the IV's. Aria was being treated for bacterial meningitis, but they were waiting for the test to be sure. I believe it was the next day that we found out it was viral, which is the kind you want to have. It still didn't make it any easier, as the whole hospital thing stirred up major emotions. Eli had died one floor down from where we were. It was really hard remembering and being so close. Aria brightened our home with her laid back demeanor. Her sweetness reminded me so much of Eli, and her looks that of Aurora. Every day, even now, I carefully coordinate her outfits with hair bows or ties. She's like a little koala, always attached at my hip.

She did end up getting pneumonia and it seems to have damaged her lungs. We are in the process of getting into a pulmonologist. When she gets sick it hits her hard in her breathing. Thankfully we have Eli's nebulizer to help us through those long nights. Aria is now almost 18 months old.





She loves to recite her ABC's, climb into everything, and mess up her brother's train tracks. She loves to eat and really can hold her own, although she does have us wrapped around her little pinky. Isaiah and her have a really special bond. Even though they have their moments, they really seem to love each other. Will we have anymore? I really don't know. Right now we have a lot of things to straighten out. The whole reason I have started this blog, is to start a new chapter in our lives. I am trying to learn how to grieve happily (if that makes any sense) as my identity does include being a mom with living and non-living children. I am trying hard to learn to live life less fearful and anxiety ridden, to step out of my comfort zone (winter makes that really hard) with G-d's help. I want to be who G-d made me to be without letting those inner demons take over. I want to live life to the fullest, so that my kids don't live in the secluded world that truly has entrapped me for so long. So now that the history of our kids is done, I will now begin to embark on this next part of my journey. So watch, pray, believe, and be amazed.