Test Results

I promised that I was going to update as often as I could with all of the stuff going on these next two weeks. I went to my test yesterday morning and it started off pretty rough. They had me drink lactose, which I am intolerant to. Then they went on to explain that this was the first time this test had ever been preformed in this particular hospital. They seemed unsure of the instructions on what I was supposed to do for the prep. so I just fasted for 12 hours and had some sips of water throughout the night and hoped it wouldn't affect anything. When I came in and they started to explain that they weren't sure if that would cause any abnormalities on the test, and I got pretty frustrated. The test itself was the easiest of any test I have ever done. I just had to blow in a bag every half hour for 3 hours, so that part was super easy. I am so used be poked and drugged up, so that was a breeze. My friend Marie ended up coming a bit early and sat with me, by then I was bored out of my skull, so I was thrilled! Although honestly, I'd rather do a boring test any day, so no complaints about that! When all was said and done, she took me home where I got to rest for about half hour before Aria got dropped back off by my Mom. I was so tired, since I had to get up at 6:30 in the morning. Yes, I know for most people this is a normal time, but for me, it was at the crack of dawn! Seriously, I have always been a 2nd and 3rd shift personality. I wish I could get our kids into 2nd shift school, let's face it, who remembers 1st period anyways?! On top of that, because of the fast, I was really run down. My Mom comes in to inform me of all that had gone on. The kids had spent the night at their house, so I thought she was going to tell me all about one not sleeping through the night. Isaiah's allergies have been awful, so I figured that might be issue. Instead, it was my grandma. We call her GG (Great Grandma) for the kids. She 95 years old and 100% blind. My parents have her living with them. All I can say is they must be some sort of saints, because it's a full time job taking care of her. She is super sweet and loves to talk about the past, but she really misses being able to see (who wouldn't). The night before we were visiting and she kept on telling me stories about her Mom and how she was seeing her. I was kind of puzzled but figured to keep quiet and listen, since she was telling pretty cool history about my Great Grandmother. Well it turned out there was going on then I had realized. She started hallucinating through out the night and was wandering around the house, so my Dad was up with her most of the night. He ended up taking her to urgent care, who then referred her to the ER, just to be extra careful. If that wasn't nuts enough, my sister calls my Mom to tell her that she was swelling up in her face and needed to take her EPI pen because she was having so much trouble and someone needed to come and get the baby. All the while my poor parents have my kids and GG!! Seriously, they deserve a Hawaii vacation after all they have done for us! Well if that wasn't enough, I took a new enzyme last night to help my eating and started to feel off. Then I got a huge waft of weird smoke smell, so bad that it filled our whole downstairs. The smoke got worse and my eyes started to swell and I was having a hard time breathing. I have only had one other time this has happened and that was last 4th of July. I guess I am allergic to certain types of smoke, since no one else being affected. So I had to take an allergy medication that took a long time to kick in. We all got in the car and started out to the hospital because I couldn't get a full breath. We unrolled the windows and I stuck my head out the window like a dog, trying to inhale as best as I could. Well the medicine made me super jittery and I felt like I was losing what was left of my already slow mind. We drove around a while and the medicine seemed to kick in, but was giving me other side effects. I had no idea what was happening, so it was quite the night. We ended up going back home and talked to a friend of ours who calmed me down. So, today I woke up, a bit puffy, but better than yesterday. Oy, the drama, I just have to laugh. Seth called me this morning to let me know that the doctor's office called with test results. I haven't ever had them call this quickly without something being wrong. All I can say, by the grace of my Lord, it was NORMAL!!! This was from the test yesterday, so this is awesome! I woke up feeling like I had run a marathon, so this was a sweet surprise! Thank you to all who prayed, I'll say it every day that I breathe, prayer matters! So as always, asking for more prayer. Yes, give an inch take a mile;) I have to start fasting Sunday night all the way till 2 PM in the afternoon on Monday, for my EGD ultrasound. We are praying the test goes smoothly with no added damage and that all my organs are normal, especially the stomach/pancreas/gallbladder. I have had a lot of trouble with fasting, and every calorie I miss, really messes with me and my mood. So we are trying to come up with a clever way to keep me more level. We are still praying about botox, if we want to do it next week. Then of course we have our U of M appt. next Friday that will give us more test results and hopefully positive results for past testing and maybe even a success course of treatment that will prove helpful. I believe that G-d can do anything, I am choosing to believe that I am being healed, no matter how slow it feels. I am human so, some days I do better than others. If you are going through something tough, whatever it might look like, I encourage you to really pray about it. This doesn't mean that G-d will give you what you ask for, but He'll give you what is best. That's even a hard pill for me to swallow, yet I still cling. Without His truth and promises, I have nothing, so He is my everything. Even when I get so angry that he isn't doing what I want right away or giving me what I think I need (although I think eating is pretty big deal) He is with me while I wrestle, complain, cry, rejoice, and when I praise Him. I hope through my writing others can understand that being a follower of G-d doesn't mean that everything is easy or super happy all the time, I believe it's being honest with Him and others. He knows I am waiting for that miracle. He knows that I am frustrated that things aren't moving as fast as I'd like, but He also knows that I am searching high and low to follow the path that is meant for me, that one day will lead me to a sweet victory. Please also continue to pray for peace and strength for my whole family, this has all been so taxing and the enemy loves to mess with unified fronts. So today, after out hideous day I say, this is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it! Thank you Lord for hearing our cries, I plan to send out some more! Thank you for all the people you have brought around us to cheer us on and give us the support that we need to face another day.

Weeks to come

It's been quite a while since I last updated, so here it goes. I had a really rough couple of weeks which caused great pain and hindered my eating. The tough thing with the digestive issues that I am dealing with, is they vary. I have cut out all of the "triggers" to the best of my ability, but still I am learning that it is quite unpredictable. I used to think it was just stress or eating a trigger food that would cause it, but that isn't always the case. I am learning each day to hand my fear over to G-d and to let the "what if's go." Notice I am saying, each day. Let's face it, each minute! Some days I am more cooperative than others;) Thankfully G-d knows I am a stubborn one and allows me grace to try and try again. This weekend was absolutely wonderful. I do a lot better with Seth being around. He is the yin to my yang. When I start to spazz out, he balances me and brings me back to the truth of the situation. This weekend was the most I have done in almost a year!! I went to the mall! I had to get some summer clothes. This proved to be a task in itself. I tried the women's petites, but still couldn't find my size without paying and arm and a leg. So I did what I never thought I'd do, I shopped at a juniors store. I was so embarrassed at first. All I could think about is, what other people were thinking about me being in there. After I realized that they had my size, I had to put it out of my mind and just let it be. I was able to get some cute skirts (which I LOVE skirts and dresses, it makes me feel so dainty) and a few dresses at a fraction of the cost of what I would have payed in my usual store. The other exciting thing I was able to do, was walk around my block! I haven't been able to do this in ages. The kids went at my pace and were pretty excited to be able to stretch their legs. By the end of the weekend, they were on their bikes, while we followed behind. I am praying soon I'll have the energy to ride my bike, but I keep on reminding myself to be patient. The sun felt amazing and really lifts my spirits. We pulled out the kiddie pool, slip and slide, and the sprinkler! The best part was seeing them play. To see them laugh and squeal while splashing around was truly a blessing. They just couldn't get enough of it. Among all of this I have been experimenting with new foods. The latest add in is pizza sauce. I have horrible acid reflux, so I have never been a tomato fan. Yet I could not stop craving it. I can only eat about a teaspoon of it with some bread, but it's a huge step! I have even mixed in with a scrambled egg and some fresh chopped basil and oooh la la!! It sings! I am really learning to appreciate herbs and simple seasonings like a sprinkle of salt. Also, through the encouragement of some fellow GPer's I got to try macro bar. They are kind of like a protein bar, but not nasty. This bar will allow me to be able to go somewhere longer than two hours without panicking that my levels are going to go out of wack, so this too is quite amazing. I have only tried one flavor, since most aren't GP friendly, so experiment, experiment. The biggest thing that has happened was I got to have a dream come true. I was finally able to baptized in front of my church! Honestly, I didn't think I'd be able to make it even all the way up to the morning of. I had a horrific week (the enemy trying to get in my way, in my opinion) leading up to it, but by the grace of G-d, He got me there!!! I was thankful for all of the support along the way, between family, friends, and our church community at Mars Hill! I'm kind of glad that G-d doesn't allow us to see the future, I'd be to afraid to do anything. I admit it, I might seem like a pit bull, but really I can be a bit yella' at times. We have a crazy couple of weeks ahead of us that I am asking for prayer. Starting at 8 PM I have to start fasting for a test that I am doing locally. It starts at 8 AM and goes for 3 hours. I am asking for prayers that my blood sugar behaves and that I can complete the test. I am asking for prayers that everything would come back normal. They are still trying to rule out other causes and this one is kind of a biggie. Next week will be insane. Starting on Monday I have an EGD ultrasound scheduled to check out my pancreas and gallbladder. I am asking for prayers that this would be done with no side effects and come back normal as well. We then are scheduled to go to U of M on Thursday for possible botox which is done through and EGD as well. I am not keen of the idea of having two EGD's done in one week. With all of the things I have gone through, I have learned the more you monkey around with things, the more issues. We are praying that G-d would grant us the wisdom to know if we should postpone. Then, on Friday we meet with U of M's Dr. H for my results of all the testing, including the 9 hour menomatry. I am praying everything comes back normal. In my mind that might indicate that things might be healing, although I don't know how the medical world views it. As always prayer that I'd be healed and for safety as we go through all of this. All this testing gets my anxiety going which does me no good. School will be getting out soon and I will a Mama to a 1st grader! How crazy is that?? We applied for Aria to get into a free preschool and are praying they accept her, with all the craziness going on. I can't thank you all enough for your support. I'll try to keep up a little better with all of the chaos going on in the next few weeks. I'm really praying I can remain peaceful, since I get ants in my pants quite a bit. In the meantime, watch, pray, believe, and be amazed.

Prayers Needed

Hi everyone. I am asking for some heavy duty prayers. I recently caught a virus that felt like the flu. I ended up getting a high fever and was quite nauseated. I just assumed it was the bug, since I had horrible body ache, but noticed I wasn't able to eat much. The fever broke and most of the other symptoms had subsided, except this pain that was on my left side. Ever since last June, when this gastroparesis started, about every 3 months I have this excruciating pain. I end up getting admitted for 5 days on IV fluids while they run many tests. The other thing is I have an elevated Lypace level. It's only double what should be normal, which normally if you need your gallbladder out, it's much higher. This level has been consistent any time I have this pain. Mostly it's baffled the doctor's, but normally they just let it go. Now that I have this new internist, he picked up on it. Yesterday I went in for an ultrasound on my gallbladder area and had labs drawn. Every time I eat, the pain would get so much worse. So they scheduled the gall bladder ultrasound right away. Unfortunately when we got there, typically you are supposed to not eat 8 hours before. I had been eating tiny amounts, but they went ahead and did it anyways. So by the time we were done, they said, as far what they could tell, everything looked about what it's been. I have a cyst in my pancreas and a polyp in my gall bladder. So they sent me home and we just figured it to be another flare up. That is until Seth woke me up this morning. My doctor called him personally to let me know that my lypace was elevated and they want to schedule an EGD where they do an ultrasound of my pancreas and my gallbladder. Until then, if the pain continues, I will need to be admitted to the hospital and placed on IV fluids to give my system a rest. For now, they are calling it pancreatitis. The doctor has advised Seth to try and pancreatic digestive enzyme to see if that will alleviate the pain while I eat (since I can't have any pain medication). I am in agony. I want to curl up in a ball and have a hard time standing. I am worried about losing weight. I can't eat and I am a long ways from Ann Arbor. I am asking for some heavy prayers that my pancreas and gall bladder would function properly. We all know they are checking and testing for other things and I am praying it all comes back normal. All I know is something is wrong, and I admit the fear is getting the best of me. Please pray that I would feel G-d's peaceful presence and that we'd get helpful information that would improve the quality of life. I am also asking for prayers to lift my depression and anxiety. I am very overwhelmed with all of this. It's not just as simple as pain, but it affects our whole family in every way shape and form. I don't want to go back to the hospital and I am hoping to avoid the feeding tube. Please pray I can maintain my weight and still be able to get enough food down to hold out through this. I tired, frustrated, and weary of all of this. I want to be able to enjoy my life the way that I should. I might be leaving somethings out, but I am in a lot of pain, so I'll leave it at that. Please pray for this to be lifted and that I could resume eating.

Never Can Say Goodbye

For those of you following our journey and have quite the memory, you may remember that I am supposed to be at U of M right now. I was due for another round of Botox in the pyloric valve (right below the stomach) to help pass food through. We had many reasons why we have put this off, but one of the main reasons was knowledge. Botox for gastroparesis is already deemed experimental. I have had pretty good results with it so far, although we know the closer together you receive it, the less effective it is. So that, among many other issues, has determined to put it off for a little while longer. I am continuously praying and asking for prayer, that I would have the ability to eat my calories that I need to keep me stable and maybe even gain some healthy weight. Recently, I have met someone who also has GP that has gave me great support and ideas on how to take the steps that I need to live better with this. So far I have reintroduced egg, bone broth, and now my latest, coconut oil, into my diet! I know it doesn't sound like much, but for me, this has been huge. The egg has replaced  a serving of juice (Hallelujah!) I can tolerate only about one a day, but it's really great to eat something that isn't pureed! The idea of bone broth really grossed me out. I admit it, I was one of the people that bought chicken breast, not for health value, but because I hated touch the bones. I had to get over that to be able to get in this nutritious replacement for fluids, especially needed during flare ups. It's pretty good, it gives me the salt I crave and has a host of great things about it. The latest and most excitement for me, is the coconut oil. My friend has encouraged me to try this for a while now, but I have been to worried the oil would cause problems. One of the things my doctor told me is never to eat coconut again. I was devastated as I love coconut, especially Mounds or Almond Joy. My husband went out and got it and practically shoved the spoon in my mouth, and low and behold, it tastes like Mounds!! I mix just a tsp into my hot water and it is just delicious! I am hoping to experiment with it more, since it seems to not slow my tummy down like EVOO so we'll see. We also finally moved back home. It's been a harder transition than I had anticipated, but I am managing as best as I can. The kids loved it and Nana and Pop Pop's, but they missed sleeping in their own beds. Aria has been sleeping in her toddler bed, but was in a double bed at their house. Apparently the little dickens decided to grow because now she hardly fits!! So we are going to have to go to a twin and say goodbye to her little bed (sniff, sniff). The great thing that we picked up over at Seth's parents house was organization. We wanted to be sure to pick up after ourselves (being a house guest and all) and it really has motivated us to do the same in our house. We are trying hard to teach our kids to put things back and to more organized as well. It's a good trait to have and relieves stress for us. I also have great news to share about Isaiah. We met with his school about how he has been doing. Isaiah got a glowing report from all who work with him. 2 teachers said they have never had a child his age test that high, ever!! I was nervous about all the school that he has missed (due to me being ill)  might have made him fall behind, but that wasn't the case. He still needs some help with socializing. He tends to like to be a professor rather than a friend. We have been working with him as best as we can to adjust to all of this and have been honest about my situation (5 year old based) and the little tike is just gifted. We had all speculated, but never has it been quite so noted as yesterday. I loved hearing all of the funny stories of how he communicates his thoughts. It was wonderful to get such good feedback after all that we have struggled with. Aria sat and played the whole time, barely making a peep. I just feel so blessed. On a sad note, a dear "brother" of Seth's unexpectedly passed away on Sunday. He was a wonderful man and he won't be forgotten. We just adore his wife and feel so badly for her. We know the pain of loss, and we ache for her. I remember people telling us they felt so helpless to help us, and now I understand what they meant. Isaiah loves Linda and when he heard that her husband had passed away, that night he prayed for G-d to bring him back to life. Mike had prayed for me often and me, for him. While he was going through Chemo and I was going through all of this, Linda would always say to me, "this summer we'll all be sitting by the pool, drinking Margaritas." I know it may sound simple, but it meant so much to me, and it's been a long time goal. I have some other experiences, but I'd like to keep them to myself till I see her at his memorial. The last thing Seth got to tell him was, "hug the kids for us." I keep on imagining him up there at a great feast with our kids running around and everyone smiling, feeling amazing and praising the Lord with joy and gladness. I find it so weird that we are wired to cling to these earthly bodies when in reality, we are destined for eternity with our Lord. Still we grieve for those who have left us behind, not for them, but for ourselves. I still get so choked up thinking about all that has gone on. I feel fortunate for going through all that I have in my life. I don't think I would have cared to "stop and smell the roses." Of course I wish I didn't have to go through pain or loss, but I blessed enough to have the bible show me what is true and I cling to that truth. I am thankful for the knowledge that we don't say goodbye, no, we never really say goodbye. Not only do we carry them in our thoughts and memories till we join them in Heaven forever. I wish I could say this makes me less afraid of dying, but I still struggle with that. What I can say is that it makes me strive that much more to enjoy the days that I do have. I keep on praying for G-d to help me change my pessimistic attitude that I battle every single day, but until then I'll strive. As always we appreciate your prayers for a miracle that this gastroparesis goes away and that I can go back to the way I used to be. I have learned to be grateful for the way I look and boy do I miss having a healthy pudge:) All I can say is for those of you who struggle with how you look, I pray you can see your beauty in the way that G-d meant for us to see ourselves, not for what the media has tricked us into believing is beautiful. You are beautiful and you matter, just the way you are. Blessed be the name of the Lord, for He gives and He takes away. Watch, pray, believe, and be ever so amazed in each minute you are alive.