Fingerpints of G-d

I can't believe it! I, procrastinating Kelly, actually remembered to write when I said I would! Alright, in all seriousness it's time to take a trip back to yesterday. Yesterday I awoke to both kids still sleeping ( a miracle in itself right there) and began to talk to G-d. I asked Him to help me through the day, along with other issues that poured out of my heart and into my prayer. I recently have been reading this book about connecting with G-d one minute in each hour that I am awake, to truly be connected with Him. The thing it encourages is a completely open and honest conversation with G-d and not just what you think He was wants to hear from you. So I thought, if there was ever a day to start, it would be on Aurora's day. It's been a day of great joy, sorrow, and sometimes even anger. This year, I just wanted it to be more about the memories of her, full of longing and joy. So I asked specifically for Him to give me tiny miracles throughout the day, so I knew that He was there. I never knew how powerful this prayer would be, until He started to show up. I admit I am far from an morning person. When I wake up, I hate talking and just want to be left alone. Any of you who have young kids, knows that this is pretty much impossible to avoid. My baby girl is like a pop tart in the morning. Always raring to go and so chattery with a bright smile on her face. Isaiah, he's more like me. We both leave each other alone and wait a few minutes before we dive into the new day's plans. On this day I actually talked with the kids and chattered along right with them. I reminded them that it was an Aurora Day, and they immediately got excited. For those of you who have been following our story, know that this has been a dream of mine. We have always been open and honest about Aurora's and Elijah's life and death's. We have longed for them to feel comfortable about talking about them, even to the point of excitement, especially on their special days. Praise be to the Lord, because they did just that. Seth called me and told me he found some coupons on the table for McDonalds and to pick up some breakfast for a special Rory Day treat. We hardly ever do this, but when I asked them if they wanted to go, they were thrilled! You have to understand, my kids don't even realize that McDonalds has a play land, so it was quite cute. They eagerly ran out the door and to the van. Isaiah realized he was still in his pajamas and asked if that was okay. I told him not to worry about it, it was an Aurora Day and they both cheered! I got them buckled in and asked if they wanted to sing Happy Birthday to Aurora and they happily agreed. We all belted it out on top of our lungs with huge smiles on our faces. After we stopped Aria said, "now can we go to Heaven and see Aurora?" My heart melted and stopped all at once. Isaiah quickly chimed in "Yeah! I wanna go to Heaven too!" I explained that we couldn't go just yet,that you have to wait for G-d to call you, and that wouldn't be for a very long time. Sometimes Isaiah will ask why, but not that day. So we went and picked up our food and brought it back home. We had some concerning news about Seth's Mom and we were waiting for the test results, so I was feverishly praying. The kids saw me praying and I asked them if they wanted to pray with me. Isaiah insisted that we all hold hands and they repeated after me as we prayed for Nana. Seth was calling and checking in on us to see how everything was going. He informed me that he was having a hard time getting out early and wondered if that would be okay? I was disappointed, but what can you do? I prayed. I opened my computer to find lots of wonderful responses on the new video of Aurora that we had put up the night before. I LOVE getting feed back on stuff like this, so I was pretty excited to see what everyone had to say. Fingerprints were starting to appear. I was feeling joyful. My sister in law called to talk with me and chatted a little bit about Aurora. It just meant the world to me. I seriously was on cloud nine that she took the time to call me and see how we were doing. Fingerprints. Seth then called me back and let me know his bosses had approved him to leave early and that the day could be what he had hoped it to be. Fingerprints. I was praying for Seth's Mom when I felt a whisper of "she's going to be just fine." I kind of wondered if it was all in my head and kept on asking G-d "is that you?" We then got a call letting us know that she was going to be fine. Relief spilled over Seth and I and I felt G-d almost saying "you see, I was talking to you." Fingerprints. I just felt overjoyed and incredibly relaxed. Normally I am wound pretty tight, so this was an amazing feeling for me, I felt, good! The kids were pretty excited to have Seth home so early, so there was quite a bit of chattering going on. Seth asked me if we should get her flowers or balloons? I knew Jade was getting her balloons so I decided flowers. Aurora had the most beautiful flowers at her memorial service. They were pink baby roses, that not only looked like the color of her skin, but also felt like her. I used to work at this flower shop and after she died, I'd feel the petals of the roses. It reminded me of the soft and coolness of her skin. The only thing is, they are hard to come by. I asked Seth to call and see if they had any, but if not, then we'd be on our way. Seth was talking with them when he found out that not only did they have them, but they were on sale. These particular flowers are NEVER on sale. I gasped in delight and clapped my hands together. They asked him how many he wanted and he asked how many they had, she replied, "Nine." I jumped up and down and squealed. Seth said at that price, it would be no problem. I know it doesn't sound like a lot, but flowers have played a huge part in my healing. I dried her flowers from the funeral and put them in a shadow box. Each month on the 21st, I'd buy her flowers. Every year that went by, we'd buy the amount of roses for however old she would be. After we had Isaiah and Aria, that kind of money added up and we couldn't do those things anymore. It grieved me. You know that feeling when you are in a store or some special day is coming and you want to buy your child something special? Oddly enough, even after they pass away, those urges don't stop. I felt guilty for not buying even a little something in her memory as I want her to know she is still on my heart. I felt as though the Lord had put his fingerprint straight onto my heart. We told them to hold the flowers aside and we'd be on our way shortly. My dear friend Sarah makes the most amazing aprons. For my birthday she made me one and informed me that she makes kid sized ones as well. I talked it over with her and she ended up making a matching cherry apron for Aria and a super special solar system one for Isaiah. The kids love to cook, but always get messy. We thought we could say they were from Aurora to remember her special day. Sarah whipped up the aprons and had them in time for our special day. I didn't know if the kids would be excited or not, but figured, it would be fun. So we pulled them out to hear both kids gasp with their mouths wide opened. They not only liked them, they loved them!! We put them on and pranced around while trying to get them to pose for pictures. It was a blast. Fingerprints. Isaiah looked like a little scientist while Aria dance around asking "how do I look?!" I had to practically peel them off of them when it was time to go. Sarah is so creative and spot on captured each child's personality! We were having so much fun when Seth reminded us we had to go and get the flowers. We quickly jumped in the car and went to my old stomping grounds. I love running into my old co-workers and bosses, but figured that I would try to get in and out quickly. As I was waiting for the flowers, 2 of my bosses just happened to come out at the same time and quickly ran over to us. We chatted for quite a while and caught up on times past. One of my co-workers gave the kids free balloons. She said "everyone needs a balloon to go to a party." They knew that it was Aurora's birthday and remembered along with me all that had happened. I was working there when I got pregnant with Aurora. I missed so much work, yet they were so compassionate and never held a grudge. They embraced me as though I was a family member both then and now. I was beaming with joy. Fingerprints. We then took the kids to Seth's Aunt's house. They love playing with Aunt Debbie and Uncle Ricks (is what Isaiah calls him) at their house. We dropped them off and proceeded to spend some time alone with each other. After the last couple of special days, we realized it was too much pressure on the kids and decided their fun should continue in a different way. We went to a little restaurant and shared a couple of appetizers and then planned on going for a walk. As many of you know, I am terrified of storms. If there is even a chance of severe weather, I tend to stay close to a basement. Thunder started to rumble in the distance and a flash of lightening cracked across the sky. I jumped. Seth asked me if I wanted to go home and I said "no." He took a double take and smiled as we headed back to the car. We decided it was time to go and visit Aurora and Elijah. It's beautiful this time of year at the Mausoleum. The reflecting pool in the front yard is filled with water, the flowers are blooming and it just seems extra peaceful. We went in to find Jade's 9 balloons for Aria. My heart fluttered to see them so perfectly put together next to their two angel statues. I saw the Sleeping Beauty figurine and I could feel my eyes getting wide. I felt like a child, so happy to know that my little girl was on someone's mind. Seth and I sat down and he asked me to sing. I did. I belted it out and with the echo in there, Heaven probably could here it. After that we just sat in silence, the same silence that was in the room 9 years ago. It was peaceful, yet somber. Both of us agreed we almost felt like we could have slept there, we were so comfortable. Normally when you think of graveyards, you think of spooky, but not this place. No, it has a quiet calmness you just can't explain. Fingerprints. When we wrapped up our quiet time, we left the light on like we always do. I think the caretakers know to leave the light on, we have never found them in the dark. When we stepped outside the sky was turning black. By now I'd be frantic at home gathering my emergency supplies (I've been through a lot of tornadoes) while rushing around to the nearest basement. Instead I just looked up and said, "hmmm a storm is rolling in." Seth asked me again if I wanted to go home, I again said "no." This by far was quite the miracle. As the storm rolled in and pounded on the car Seth and I giggled like two kids on the playground. We decided to stop and get a piece of pie. As we watched out the window and saw the wind and the rain blowing so hard that the car was going to blow away, I calmly sat and gazed lovingly into my husband's eyes as we reminisced about our beautiful girl that we one day will see in all of G-d's glory. Fingerprints. We ended up heading back to his Aunt's house and felt quite refreshed as the storm poured down on us. I felt as though G-d's hands were hovering right over us, leaving us oblivious to all that was going on around us. We pulled over to the side of the road and kept on talking waiting for the down pour to pass. I didn't feel even slightly anxious, just excited. When we got to his Aunt's house we went in to find our kids happily playing in the basement. Everything about yesterday turned out great. I was able to think about Aurora in a peaceful way. Normally in the past, I tend to feel guilty or angry about things not going right, but yesterday was as close to perfect as I could have asked for. The only that could have made it better, was having her here with us. When I came home I was able to post and have the words in my head fall to my fingertips and spill onto the computer to share. I found that many people that I haven't heard from in ages had left messages along with those who are in our daily lives, I felt an overwhelming surge of support. After all these years my dream had come true, our loved ones remember and said something. That is all I had ever wanted, for her to be remembered. Even if it was only for a moment out of the day, it meant so much to me. I found myself thanking G-d for each amazing fingerprint that He had left. I was in awe that He could take one simple prayer request and fulfill a longing dream that I have held in my heart for 9 years. These "little glimpses" may not see like a big deal to an outside eye, but to me, G-d knew they would make my day. Aurora Skye Nickerson's life was just as important as someone who had lived for 100 years. She was so innocent, so pure, so beautiful, and I am blessed enough to be her mother. Thanks be to our G-d.