Aurora's Day

Today is Aurora's birthday. It's hard to believe she would have been 8 this year and getting ready to go into the third grade. She'd be into fashion, music, and maybe even boys (oy). By now she'd be telling us what she'd want to be when she grows up and dreaming of being able to do whatever she wants. I would hope she'd have long hair that I could style each day. Something tells me she'd have a bit of my spicy attitude to go along with her sweet disposition. Would her hair be wavy or straight? How tall would she be? Would she be girly or have a bit of tom boy in her? What would be her favorite foods? What kind of party would she like to have had? A sleepover? the beach? maybe rollerblading? So many what would.... run through our minds. I told Isaiah that it is Aurora's birthday today. He says "we need to make her a card and I will take it to her!" If that wasn't sweet enough, later I said I was on the phone, he says "we need to call Jesus, then we can talk to Aurora and Elijah because they all live in heaven." I sat there stunned with tears of joy running down my face. Out of the mouth of babes! Kids seem comfortable and accepting of situations like this. I think they understand more than we give them credit for. So tonight we are going out to the Mausoleum and visit the babies so Isaiah can bring his card. My heart is heavy that she isn't physically here anymore. But having little ones that call to sing Happy Birthday on the phone to me for her (thanks Kate!) birthday , in the hopes of being able to speak with Aurora, makes my day. Kids say what adults won't and I am glad they do (except when you have put on a few pounds and they announce it to the whole world, but you get what I mean). I was blessed to finally have a dream about her and that was quite the gift this year. There is not a day that goes by that we don't look up at the sky and think of her. In the wee hours of the morning, I sit and day dream that her and Eli are still alive. Oh the beautiful chaos that would be coursing through our home. I am still thankful that G-d allowed me to carry her for 35 beautiful weeks. I am thankful that I got to hold her and feel her heart beat. I am thankful that she showed me what it felt like to be a Mom and have feelings that have no words. I am thankful that she came. The pain of her absence is almost too much to bear some days. As I have always said, just because your child dies doesn't mean you stop being their parent. The bonds between a parent loving their child exceeds time and even death. I joke with Seth and say, I will be in the nursing home in my rocking chair talking about Eli and Rory. I am sure they will think I am senile, but even then their lives will be spoken about. I am their mother and until I am reunited with them in Heaven, I won't be silent. Instead I will rejoice in their lives and help those who mourn that it is okay to love, cherish, and carry their children with them. So today, I immerse myself in the memories of our short time together with deep sorrow mixed in with pure love and the joy that I was able to be the mother of such a beautiful soul. Here is a song that we played at her funeral that I think of often.

Fly

Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove
Upon the wind of heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again

Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this mem'ry bittersweet
Until we meet

Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget

Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light

So my dearest Aurora, we treasure you, miss you, ache for you, and love you. Thank you for being my daughter. Until I can snuggle you again my love.....