Flowers

I just love spring, don't you? It has to be about my favorite season, especially here in Michigan. The flowering cherry and apple blossoms, the green foliage spreading through the landscapes like wild fire. Days are longer and brighter, and anything seems possible. There always seems to be some mountain to climb or ocean to swim in my daily struggles, but then I step outside and breathe in the fresh air and feel so invigorated. I have been working a part time job, that I do from home. It has been a blessing in the money way, but it's been incredibly difficult in other aspects that I really don't want to get into. Needless to say, my time has been scarce. But that's okay. I have been really learning a lot about myself. I forgot what a hard worker I am. As a stay at home Mom, you really don't get recognized a lot or associated with, as being hard working. Any stay at home Mom will tell you, it's the hardest job that you will ever have. We don't sit around eating chocolate bon bons, and watching soap operas (something I have grown to detest), instead our days revolve around cleaning, cooking, parenting, and little adult interaction. I am not complaining, but honestly, I thought before I had kids that stay at home mom's were lazy. NOT SO!!! If you are doing your job right, you barely have a chance to go to the bathroom without a little fist banging on the door followed by a blood curdling scream. I admit to you, dear fellow friends, I had grown to moan and gripe about being at home. I felt burned out and honestly, a little bored and a lot frustrated. Not to mention, plagued by guilt that I used to sneer at people like me, who took their little blessings for granted. As I began to piece out my day for my job, I felt so bad and missed out on so many hum drum things, that now I coveted. But also I have now realized what a go getter I really am, and I have a huge work ethic (truly people in the past, not so good). I have learned that having kids really kicks your tush into drive mode. My thought isn't so much about wants, but needs. Today we had an appt. for Isaiah and they really felt that Karate would be an excellent source of learning for him. In my mind, I thought, err, but what if he uses it on Aria? HI YA!!!! is what I think of, not learning. But they reassured us that it would build character, respect, socialization, but most of all confidence! Oh how my heart rejoiced! Believe it or not, I have always lacked self confidence. Sure, I have a mouth on me, but when all is said and done, I feel quite insecure. If someone doesn't return my call or seek me out, I can't help but wonder if I offended them in some awful way. While it's good to have social awareness, for me at times, it can be quite destructive. So this was music to my ears. He is progressing wonderfully and has so much potential that they are already planning that he will go to Odyssey of the Mind in 3rd grade (it's when it starts). This is not because he has PDD-NOS. Their are kids that have this, that don't posses large intellect. This is because he is Isaiah. They kept on beating that into our brains. He is a rarity to be treasured, not feared. I worked my tush off with him in our quarantined time and it payed off. I used to feel so ashamed that I smothered him. Today they praised us and reassured us that we are amazing parents. They actually tell parents that they are to over protective or demanding, and the doc said he was so impressed with us. I felt the weight of the world drop off my shoulders, as I couldn't help but wonder if I had been damaging (not that I am perfect, far from it) to his development. We finally have been able to return to church this last Sunday for the first time in a long while, due to needing a helper for Isaiah. We were blessed with a great man to work with him and a church willing to work with us. I'll tell you the truth, things have been a huge struggle. I have felt like I was wandering in the desert, but I refused to lay down and quit. As a Mom, you must not quit. So as I see the beautiful flowers and all the beautiful colors and scents that they bring, I see my life. We are sometimes unable to bud, sometimes blooming our beauty, and sometimes wilting in a season. But whatever the reason, beauty is , was, or will be in our reach. Enjoy the blossoming of our world all around us, because you never know how long you'll have it, but at least you experienced it, and that is a blessing in itself.