If you would have asked me 2 weeks ago where I would be today, I would have said "U of M, having botox." We ended up watching a church service about prayer, and listening to G-d. I had found that my food intake was really low, but still everything in me was afraid to go to the hospital. I just have found that going to medical facilities is increasing my anxiety ten fold, especially with the doom flu going around. I found myself tossing back and forth over doing it or not. Botox has really helped me in the past, but the more you use it, the less effective. Not only that, but it is a toxin. I kept finding myself thinking if it might be temporarily helping me, but in the long term??? No one knows what damage it could be causing. Not to say that I won't do it if I don't need to, but I want to be at peace with my decision. In the struggle to make my decision, I found myself at G-d's mercy, not praying for healing, but for mercy and wisdom. I just want to be at peace no matter the circumstances. For some people, this may be easy to attain. For me, patience is a thorn in my side. So we started taking time out of our night and just sat still and waited for G-d to speak to us. To those of you who are wondering, no I didn't hear his audible voice. In fact, I didn't recieve any big sign. What I did get was worth more than I had ever imagined, His peace. I am so thankful that I wish I could kiss Him! My health hasn't changed, the circumstances haven't changed, but it was His peace that all of the sudden put out the fiery panic attacks that seemed to be choking me with fear. We rescheduled for early February. We will continue to seek what it is that we should be doing, as we all know G-d works through modern medicine as well. We also thank those of you who were praying for me, they were answered!
In the meantime, due to all of the sickness out there, we have been on lockdown over here. Between my procedure/health and Isaiah's lungs, we have been hunkered down at home. We spoke with Isaiah's pediatrician who fully supported out decision with all of the issues we have been having with his lungs and even simple colds. So that means I have gotten to experience bit of what teachers do. Dear teachers, you are amazing, underappreciated and deserve a million dollars a year! I love my kiddo's and they really have been awesome, but wow, teaching truly is an art form!
We have been working on home work here. I found that my kids love flash cards, just like I did. So we have been doing math, colors/shapes, animals and their habitat, and the states and capitals of America. I can't believe how fast they are and really, even I am learning a lot that I had forgotten! We have also been working on the kids writing. Isaiah has doctor handwriting. Seriously, it's all over the place and hard to read. So, we have been designating time to just printing. I use the computer so much, that I rarely hand write anything anymore. Much to my shock and dismay, my hand writing was worse than his! In fact, my hand would be half way through a sentence, and just it would just weaken and quit! I got a taste of my own medicine and could hear my lecturing Isaiah about the importance of being able to write legibly, bleck! I have also been working with Aria on how to properly hold her crayons. We really need the big ones, but we just have the regular size. I have noticed that she holds it in her fist. So I have trying my tush off how to hold the crayon. She'll copy me for a while, but as soon as I turn around, she'll go back to the fist! YAR!!! Still, I can't complain. I have been having a ton of bonding time with them. We have been able to relax and just hang out. Isaiah has been vocalizing his emotions better and better. We have been able to get to the root of some issues and have been seeing huge improvements. The two of them are pretty tight knit and seem to be really playing with each other. Don't get me wrong, they have their moments, it's just been better than I had anticipated. I have been thankful for this time as it has allowed me to just focus on them. They seem to really be enjoying hanging out with me and that in itself is priceless!
We are quite the musical family We constantly have the radio playing, I have found it soothes my nerves, heck all of our nerves. I find the two of them singing 10,000 blessings a lot! Nothing like having our family break out in song at any given moment. While we all sing different keys, it says "make a joyful noise unto the Lord!" Nothing about singing in tune;) It's been fun to see how much they retaining the verses and singing their hearts out to the Lord. They have been pretty bummed about not having much snow, but were ecstatic to be riding their scooters outside in the middle of January! I just love watching them play together, it's such a joy to see them grab each others hands and call out to each other.
My friend Stephanie did have her surgery. So far it has gone well, but she is still there and has a lot of recovery to do. Please pray for her healing and that her body would function properly. Every day I am becoming more and more aware of people and the trials that they are going through. It's easy being trapped in the house, being stuck on my own issues. I feel fortunate to have a group of people that have really reached out to me and gently have held me when I have been to weak to stand on my own. I have gotten see others who are suffering with their own diagnosis's and how they respond. Everyone is so unique and it just goes to show, we were all created so differently. I still get hung up on my own expectations of how I wish I could respond. Through these people I am learning, we can always strive to be better, but also learn to accept who we were made to be. After all, if we were all the same, it just wouldn't work. Nothing huge and profound on my end, just sharing and update. If any of you have any fun teaching ideas, feel free to share!
As always, I ask for prayers. I am asking for G-d's wisdom, mercy, and peace. A specific new one, would be that I could be able to eat some new foods. I really need better nutrition. I did finally try cooked carrots and praise the Lord! I was able to eat one! I never thought a carrot could be so succulent! The other day Seth made broccoli. I wanted it so bad that I thought I was going to chew my own leg off! Still, I am praying for courage to be able to expand my diet with more nutritious food.
I thank you all for supporting me through all of this. No matter how near or far, I really appreciate the support and words of encouragement. Thank you so much.
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