The Challenge

So I joined in on one of the craziest things I think I have ever accepted to do. It's called the 24 day Challenge. I had no idea what I was getting into, because to say the very least, it's been a challenge. I ended up hearing about it from a friend of mine. Her approach is using this to break a bondage with the addiction of food. Now, if you are anything like me, you may think food being addiction? Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, but apparently it is, at least for me. In my family, we are emotional eaters. We eat when we are happy, sad, mad, frustrated, bored, well you get the picture. Yep, I am a foodie. I could care less about a fancy house/car, diamonds, furs, nope, I'd rather have me a yummylicious dinner. Seth learned a long time ago, to pull me out of a funk all he had to do was open a thing of cheese and ooh la la, my spirits would immediately lift. Nothing wrong with that, right? Yeah that is until the day you go to put your pants on and you hear them "ggggggggggaaaaa" when you try to get into them. As I looked in the mirror I heard my pants say "I am going to squeeze the life out of you, until you take me off!" Hmmm, let's see, now what to do? I can't go walking around like a kielbasa waiting for my pants to explode in public. So I prayed. I have tried several "diets," but they left me hungry. A hungry Kelly, is a dangerous Kelly. So I moved over to exercise. Yes, it was good at first, that is until I realized after I was done working out, I'd reward myself. Normally there is nothing wrong with rewarding yourself, but there is when you eat five times the amount of calories that you worked out. Exercise+lots of buttery foods do not = my pants fitting better. What's a girl to do? I ended up running into a girl from my bible study. She started to talk about the challenge and how it changed her life. She explained all she had battled and how food really ran her life. She explained her approach wasn't for people to lose weight, but to break the bondage of food. It made sense, but I had never really thought of food as an addiction, just a comfort. Hmmmm, this got my mind thinking. Of course I was interested, but really felt that I couldn't do it alone. I prayed about it and then put the idea on the shelf. Then a friend approached me and asked me what I thought. We went on to discuss it and well, we decided we'd do it together. I decided not to look up the info. as I knew I'd analyze it to death and I decided to take the plunge. Leading up to it, I was amped. Then it happened, the day of reckoning. We sat down and all the info. was passed out. No salt, no sugar, no carbs, and well, you get the picture. Panic set into my body and I froze. What did I get myself into? In my mind I was thinking, run!!! Then something came over me that said, it's just food, it's not that big of a deal. So onwards I went. I think you can see where this is going. I am on day 8 of my cleanse and I would like to tell you that is it easy, that I feel great, but it hasn't been that way. I must say, you are never hungry. You eat every 3 hours, but it's food that is all natural. It's bland and has no pizazz! I live for piazazzy food. The first 6 days I wanted to hold up a restaurant, not for the money, but for the food! Crispy, cheesy, buttery goodness! That's all I wanted. I couldn't stop thinking about it, and it made me an emotional wreck. With each day that passed I'd get life changing news, my best friend is in the process of finding out if she has MS, my grandmother going into the ICU, my son having the stomach flu (so I had to miss a wedding for a cousin that I absolutely adore who came in from Tennessee and never got to see her or the other family), Aria and her crazy blood cells, etc.... With each thing, I found myself running to the kitchen and then catching myself standing in there getting more and more frustrated. It was weird, I wasn't hungry, but I knew some salty goodness would calm my nerves. I found myself huffing my kids mac and cheese, grilled cheese, like it was my last meal! All the while telling Seth "I'm going to do it!! I'm going to eat it, here it goes!" Like some crazy woman, Seth would just carefully approach me and say "you know you don't want to eat that, you know you aren't going to eat it." It was like a stand off. I threw the spoon down and fell into a heap on the couch. But, I didn't eat it. I had no idea that food had become my drug. My buttery, cheesy, drug. I feel a bit tired, and I easily lose concentration. My emotions are easily stirred, but I have stuck to it. I ended up going to bible study, so happy to have something to get my mind of all the hullabaloo, when I lost it. One of the girl's was talking about Heaven and it took me places I hadn't expected to go. I am not one to easily cry, but somehow it snuck up on me. I felt a tear and then more. My mind started to think about this and that and before I knew it I started to lose it. I tried to get to the bathroom and cry it out so I didn't do it in front of anybody, but once I started it just wouldn't stop. Anyways, I lost it. I was so embarrassed, I wanted to run. One of the sweet ladies prayed over me as I began to look like Alice Cooper. I was so overwhelmed. I am realizing that instead of going to G-d first when I am stressed, I go to food. It really has been my crutch and I never really noticed. Seth said later that even though I am eating, it's kind of like a fast. He reminded me that people learn a lot about themselves with things like this. I just hope I remember what I have learned as my memory seems to have disappeared. I have the attention span of a gnat, but at least I am not thinking about stealing children's crunchy snacks from them anymore, or thinking people look like my favorite dishes. You never realize how much food is being pushed until something like a diet change. Meijer's has fried chicken smells piped through their store, the mall has all the restaurant's, Target has popcorn, uhhhh. On top of that I have a super sniffer. I have a severe hearing loss, so my sense's with my nose are heightened. The crazy thing is that we have to eat to survive, so now the thing will be to learn how to eat without overdoing it. I realize now how valuable our food is, how blessed we are to have food on the table every night when so many go without. It's made me take a look at so many things in a new way. I don't plan on eating like this forever, but I am realizing I need a healthier approach to meals and I have menu's made up in my mind of how to eat better when this is through. Now if I could just stop being so darn emotional, that would be great. I never realized my emotions tied so deeply into food and how I handle stress. Bursting into tears in front of a fried chicken restaurant might not look so sane, so I am praying I am going to come out of this a new woman. Please forgive me if I run into you and maybe don't remember things or people or my children, like I said my thought process isn't really there. By the grace of G-d, one day at a time, one day at a time.