As we prepare..

5 years ago, we had just got done visiting Elijah's doctor. They had finally approved him for his kidney transplant. He was pretty upset, but still fully alive, little did we know.... So today we are filled with tears and longing. They are always with us, and even though they were babies, they were ours. I picture our family, like a family on a walk. Aria and Isaiah, full of life with their lives ahead of them. Seth and I walking behind them to protect their steps and catch them if they fall. And Aurora and Elijah in a wagon that we pull behind us. They are every bit as much apart of our family, we are always thinking about them, but we don't need to chase them, instead we pull them along in our daily steps. As time goes by, you feel the need to hang on even stronger as less and less is said. As parents, this will always be a difficult time. The fact it's been a half of a decade is unbelievable as I feel sometimes it's been longer and sometimes, it was just yesterday. I don't tend to vocalize my grief well, but I can capture it in my writing. There has been a song going over and over in my mind. Our friends, Gina and Kevin Kroon gave a cd after Eli died. Their daughter was born with poly cystic kidneys, and has amazingly survived. She said this particular song helped her. And it helps me to this day. I will write more tomorrow and I hope you with be with me as we remember our Days of Elijah.


Mercy Me Homesick

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry Is how long must I wait to be with you I close my eyes and I see your face If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow I've never been more homesick than now Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same Cause I'm still here so far away from home I close my eyes and I see your face If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow I've never been more homesick than now In Christ, there are no goodbye And in Christ, there is no end So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have To see you again To see you again And I close my eyes and I see your face If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow I've never been more homesick than now