Valentines Day

So, it has been quite the crazy week already. Aria had her worst night, last night. Her fever spiked to 102 and she pretty much cried all night long. The hardest part, is she still nurses a couple of times a day. I haven't been able to wean her yet. Trying to look on the bright side, I was hoping that if she got sick, it would come in handy. Tell that to my body and my to my daughter. As many of you know, it takes at least 24 hours for your body to remember certain times of nursing. With a child that has a full mouth of teeth and nothing to drink, this does not bode well for Mom. She refused to drink water and only wanted me. Unfortunately, my body is used to only nursing several times a day. She was actually hitting me out of frustration. I felt so bad for her, as babies have super sniffers and she thought I holding out on her. Needless to say, we woke up in fog and pretty much laid on the couch all day. The fever reducers seem to help for a short amount of time, but after that, it's all over. Thankfully, Isaiah is doing so much better. So now we just have to wait it out with Aria. It's really nerve racking when my kids don't drink, as I know how important it is for their kidneys and their bodies to stay hydrated. A close cousin of mine, her daughter died from dehydration. She was younger than Aria, and she'd had the flu. When she finally fell asleep the doctor had told them not to wake her. She never woke up. Last night the nurse called and suggested that when she sleeps not to wake her. When she'd sleep, I just sat there and prayed. I was so worried. It's kind of a catch 22, you want them to sleep so you can sleep, but when they do sleep, you just sit up and worry. I have been praying to G-d to break her fever. I know getting sick is part of life, but this is an area I am still very vulnerable to fear and worry. I am not much of a Valentines Day person. I like days when Seth surprises me out of the blue, then a holiday telling him he needs to do buy this, to prove his love. But since kids love holidays, we made Valentines just for the fun of it. Isaiah thought it was a riot, while Aria kept on trying to eat the crayons. I am reminded of our one and only Valentines day with Eli. My parents had bought him the huge Mylar heart balloon. My, how he smiled and stared at the balloon for hours. I miss them both so much. I can only imagine all the Valentine's cards we would have had to fill out for each child's class. I was talking with my friend whose daughter passed away 11 years ago. She said even to this day, she still looks for her when loading the kids up in the car. Her child died a week after birth. It was comforting to hear that I am not the only one who does things like this. She still has her pictures up and talks about her often. All of her other kids are well adjusted, so it just goes to show that remembering your kids can be quite healthy and normal. Sweet Validation! Every now and then my sister in law will call me with a funny story that the kids said about Aurora and Elijah. The latest was, my only niece who is 4, who loves Princess Aurora (or Sleeping Beauty is what they normally call her). Jody was trying to explain something about Aurora and Kibby replied something, that she was so excited because her cousin was Princess Aurora! Of course, Jody had to explain that Aurora wasn't, but you get my drift. I was on cloud nine all night that she'd talked about her. It's the little statements like that, that bring bereaved parents such joy (it never goes away). My mind is all over the place today. Life is funny like that, you know? May every day be a day of the celebration of love for your loved ones.