Waiting Here for You

I am using this as my phone right now. I don't have the energy to type and call people like I normally would. I know I probably don't need to even ask right now for prayers, but I am going to anyways. I have dropped more weight. I have been trying to force feed myself and last night, I paid for it. I haven't met my calories since the night I fell. I am now at the weight I was, when I got admitted to the hospital last month. My local GI feels there is no way that the botox could have worn off that fast and I was hoping he was right. Unfortunately, my body is acting like it did pre-botox. I am belching like a sailor and the pain and nausea that had left, has returned. I called my GI for help and he said there is nothing more he can do. His only option left is a feeding tube. We need prayers that we can make it out this appt. to U of M on Monday. I am exhausted, extremely shaky, hungry, nauseated, and in pain. We don't know that they can even offer anything different, but we want to leave no stone left unturned. I am even contemplating taking a med that I took a while back that gave me problems, but I am so uncomfortable I am wondering if it is worth the risk. We called on call, but my doc is not on and we have noticed each GI handles things differently and doesn't like to mess with other patients. We have the radio playing Christian radio 24 hours a day. I have grown to love Laura Story's Blessings and Christy Nockels Waiting Here For You. We have been quoting scripture when feeling defeated. We even came up with hand motions for For G-d has not given us a spirit of fear, but POWER, LOVE, and SOUND MIND. The kids love it. We talk about G-d and Jesus as much as our mind reminds us to. I call out every night to Him and ask Him to wrap me in His love and peace. My G-d is mighty to save, I still believe that. As much as I cry out in weakness and fear, I still believe. I try to imagine Jesus with His hands outstretched to me and me reaching to just touch his cloak, just even a tiny bit, to be fully healed. He has put such love and awareness in my heart for others. How selfish I have been to take so much for granted. I have the most amazing family, so amazing. I have friends and supporters that are more than I could have imagined. My Isaiah has become so worried. He is so sweet. This boy has brain that has more info that I can even imagine, yet the sweetness of the most innocent child. He aims to please and strives for positive strokes. He is prays for me every day in such a specific way, not in the way a 5 year old normally would. He constantly wants to hold my hand and asks about the hospital stay a lot. It breaks my heart. One minute he'll be explaining the genealogical history of a dinosaur and then the next ask what a calorie is (we constantly have to keep track). He is so handsome. His laugh is so powerful that it could make angels sprout wings. Aria, my little baby. She has a smile that would make toothpaste models jealous. She too is a smarty. She watches me do something once and copies almost instantaneously. Anytime I walk to the back door, she ask if I am going to the doctor. She also like to ask me why I am in my pajamas. I don't have anything else that really fits, so it's what I wear, but she seems to think it's a hoot. Both of them are hilarious. They both are always trying to hold my hand. It's hard, because when I am in pain, it's hard for me to sit still, so I have to get up and they'll desperately cling to my hand. I am so blessed. We lost two children and were given two children. I keep on praying that like Job, maybe I'll be blessed with a super digestive system that works even better than the last. Of course Seth, the love of my life, I could go on and on. Last night I had weighed myself and I was pretty upset my food was stuck in my stomach for close to 5 hours and I felt like I could hardly breathe. After he held me a while, we went into the kitchen and a song came on with an upbeat tempo. He slowly started to dance. My husband is a machinist and I joke he dances like one. With tears streaming down my face, my body started to pick up and dance silly around the room. It's a precious memory. I want to be here, actively participating in life. I want to help clean the house, do cooking, go to bible studies, have people over, LIVE!!! I want to be in a joyful mood and praising G-d in everything I do. I want to be one of those "thank you Jesus" people, in every simple thing. I'll say it again, I am so thankful to know the love of the Lord through something like this. I can't imagine not having Him to run to and break down with. I am praying He will see it beneficial to restore my body to the way it used to be. Please pray that I can eat and drink my calories quota every day and that G-d would show us a way we haven't seen. I am crying out for mercy and I am not ashamed. I don't want my kids to be worried, heck, I don't want to be worried. I keep on reading Matthew 6: 25-34 to not be worried. Please keep us in your prayers, I want so much to live a life of fullness, not in sorrow or pain. Lord have Mercy, Christ have Mercy. We will keep you updated as much as we can. Watch, pray, believe, and be amazed. My G-d is mighty to save...