I originally had planned on writing this piece for our anniversary of 13 years. We just celebrated it a couple of weeks ago. With the stigma of 13 I thought it would be more than fitting to fully embrace it with joy. Life ended up catching up with us and I just couldn't seem to get my thoughts in order. So hopefully today that won't be the case.
Today is Seth's birthday. We rarely buy each other gifts and instead just try to do things from the heart. Writing is what I love to share, so this post today is for Seth.
If you notice the title of today is Fix You. We were watching So You Think You Can Dance a few years ago. I have never really fully appreciated the arts until a few years ago. I saw this dance and it fully captured what I feel mine and Seth's relationship has looked like in a form of dance. I'll post it at the end and it'll help the post come full circle.
Seth and I have been together for 14 years, married 13 of them. To some that is a lot, to some that is just barely beginning. For us, it is the foundation that has helped solidify our marriage. Before I fully post this, I want all of you readers to understand that it is by the grace of G-d Almighty that we are still together. We have had to fight tooth and nail for our marriage. So often I run into people that read my blog and they get the notion that our marriage is perfect and easy. On the contrary. Any time there are two people put together, there is bound to be trials. We have faced more than our fair share, but instead of turning on each other, the Lord has showed us how to hold on for dear life and push forward. With that here is my post.
I remember meeting Seth for the first time. I had just moved from Iowa with a shattered heart. I knew nobody here but my parents and sister. After months of mourning my relationship I decided to get up and fully jump back into life. I met a hairdresser, who instantly became my friend. She offered to have me come and meet her friends after a hard day's work.
I remember getting ready with my hair freshly cut, makeup applied, and an adorable form fitting yellow dress with blue flowers (that I will never fit in again). It was time to move on, whatever that looked like. We ended up at her friend's house and there were more people there that I had expected. There was an in ground swimming pool full of people. I was amazed to see one in the mid west. Where I came from, any pools were above ground, so I was really surprised. After sitting quietly for a while, a young man came and sat down and chatted with me. We talked for a couple of hours without one lull in the conversation. Did I mention it was completely dark? I was so comfortable being in the dark, yet couldn't help but wonder what he looked like. Before I knew it, everyone was moving inside. I panicked a bit. This guy seemed perfect, what if he didn't like the way I looked? What if he didn't like me? What if I didn't like the way he looked (tacky, I know)? We moved indoors and he disappeared. I sat down on the couch and began to talk with everyone else, when in he walked. I was smitten. Double dimples, blue eyes, and a smile that melted my hardened heart.
While I am very vocal, when I don't know you, I actually clam up (sorry friends, you won't see this again). I saw him and knew I had to have him. I even gave him my beeper number (yes, I said beeper). He didn't seem impressed, but I had hope. So much so, I went home and called my friend in Iowa to tell her I met the man I was going to marry.
Two weeks went by and he never called. My thoughts went to him every single day that passed. I couldn't shake the feeling we were meant to be. My friend again offered for me to get together with her friends yet again, and I figured it was time to move on (secretly hoping he would be there). He was, but this time I decided to play it cool and just talk with everyone else. This time he sought me out, and well without getting into details, we ended up together.
Pretty much after he asked me to clarify what our dating status was, we were inseparable. He loved my spunk and I loved his sweetness. He was pretty quiet and I was anything but. We were polar opposites. He loves sweets, I loved salty. He loved adventure, me, more of a homebody. But somehow it just worked. I know now that G-d had us placed together to balance each other out for what was to come. When we got married, we really did become one.
I could go on and on about all the wonders that is my husband. He has really been such an amazing influence on me. While he was a wild child as a teenager, he had become quite subdued by the time we met. All I can say is he was and still is pure love. (My eyes are welling up with tears) I was pretty immature when we met and was very opinionated (okay, some of that stuck) . There was only one way in my eyes and that was, my way. I was very harsh and very determined to do things myself. I was very independent and pretty much did everything the hard way. I didn't want any help. So it was amazing to me to meet Seth. Seth is a giver, loves to help, loves to serve, is patient and kind, and well think about anything good and that's him in a nutshell.
Little did I know how well G-d had paired us. As life moved on and our apartment burned down, my anxiety went hay wire. I didn't really have any idea that I even had anxiety till then, but through each panic attack, he loved me even more.
So when we had Aurora and the counselor announced that with one death of a child that 80% of couples go their own way. As she closed the door, I sat there pregnant knowing that my child would not live a long life and that my husband would probably leave me, I fell apart. Seth took my hand and looked into my eyes and promised me that no matter what, we would always stay together. From that moment on our bond went from earthly, to heavenly. We promised each other and we meant it.
As I grieved for Aurora, and our two little's that we never met, Seth purposefully climbed down into grieving with me. Typical men have a tendency to just keep themselves busy and just move on. Even though I know at times he wanted to, he purposefully didn't. He allowed me to cry. He allowed me to blow up as many pictures as I wanted of the kids and put them up on our walls. He never judged me, never told me it was too much, he just showed me love.
So when we had Elijah and I was on full bed rest for 30 weeks. Yes, for 30 weeks he took care of me while I was on the couch morning, noon, and night. With every amnio infusion, he was by my side cheering Elijah on. One amnio infusion went badly and I collapsed. They took me into another room as they monitored me, he sat by my side reassuring me all the way. I was with him and that was all that mattered.
Eli was born and that is where I really saw his full potential kick in. He bonded instantly with our boy and rarely left his side. He loved on Eli with his whole heart and gave everything he could to be with him. He and I eventually did his dialysis at home with meds, blood pressure, shots, mickey buttons, dextrose evaluations, and more... Seth perfected everything down to a science, it was amazing to watch. Then our little guy left for heaven, and I heard him weep. There is nothing more sad than listening to a grown man cry. Our lives were shattered, yet we were put back together like scar tissue. Scar tissue isn't as pretty as an unmarked body, yet is so tough that it's almost indestructible. We became scar tissue together. While it wasn't pretty how it happened, it has bound us for life.
In our many highs and many lows, we desperately clung to G-d. With Aurora we prayed, but by the time Elijah came, we memorized verses and searched into the bible to find G-d. We found Him and saw Him in the life and death of our son,. We braided ourselves into His presence knowing we could not survive without our Lord.
We were blessed to have Isaiah and Aria and it seemed that we were in the clear for any more trials. While losing the kids was more devastating that I can express, when I got sick, it expanded things in a way we couldn't imagine.
As I got more and more sick, my spunky firecracker (what Seth and my Grandpa call me) bigger than life self, became dim. I became helpless, fragile, and completely dependent on Seth. The good Lord had prepared him to fight for not only his job, his home, his kids, but now his wife. He did things for me that I still can hardly utter without full out weeping. To move us in with his parents, to take me to the hospitals (all 4 of them including across the state) and sleep in chairs so that he didn't leave my side. He dressed me, bathed me, brushed my hair, fed me, wiped my tears as I barely hung on to life. Even as I felt my spirit getting ready to leave, he pleaded with me not to leave his side. He prayed with me and over me. He carried me, and even as my body bore sores of ugliness, he told me how beautiful I was.
He loved me.
I love him. He has my undying loyalty and my eyes are only for him. We have been through so much. Even today as my muscles are swollen around my neck and shoulders, he is moving the chairs and pillows around, massaging my muscles that have turned to bone, and reassuring me that this too will pass.
Words cannot capture my love for my husband, my best friend, my soul mate. We have been to the bowels of hell more than once and yet our love grows even deeper. With each struggle both named and unnamed, we cling to each other in our ever growing love story. Who knows, maybe by the time I write my book you will hear about the great lovers and there will be Seth and Kelly;)
I am thankful to G-d for allowing the honorable man to be born on this day 34 years ago. He truly has embodied that of what G-d calls us to be. I am not saying he is perfect, as I do live with the man. But I do know that G-d has sent me pieces of heaven on Earth, and he is one of them. Seth, you have more than honored your vows to me. Each day that I am with you, you help me cling to truth. Each day that I fall, you lift me up. Each day that I cry, you wipe my tears. Each day that I explode, you put me back together. Each day that I laugh, you laugh with me. Each day that I rejoice, you dance with me. Each day.... You are by my side and I am forever grateful. I love you my sweet Seth, forever and always. I am so glad to be apart of a true love story with you. I would have it no other way. PS Put your dirty clothes in the hamper!!!! Not next to, but in!!!! (Sorry, I had to leave on a silly note. It's just how I roll) I love you, Happy Birthday.
Thank you Lord for this sweet man, we give you all of the glory.
This dance captures us perfectly. Click below to see the dance that inspired this post.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TsR1yiAe9g
